no such luck. I spent a couple of hours lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and then I walked around in the dark for a little while, and now I’m here again, throwing a pair of balled-up socks at the wall while the sun makes lazy moves toward the moon.
There’s a sliver of light creeping up the horizon. The beginnings of dawn. I’m staring at the scene through the square of my window, still trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, when a sudden, violent banging on my door sends a direct shot of adrenaline to my brain.
I’m on my feet in seconds, heart pounding, head pounding. I pull on clothes and boots so fast I nearly kill myself in the process, but when I finally pull the door open, Brendan looks relieved.
“Good,” he says. “You’re dressed.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask automatically.
Brendan sighs. He looks sad—and then, for just a second:
He looks scared.
“What’s wrong?” I ask again. Adrenaline is moving through me now, dousing my fear. I feel calmer. Sharper. “What happened?”
Brendan hesitates; glances at something over his shoulder. “I’m just a messenger, mate. I’m not supposed to tell you anything.”
“What? Why not?”
“Trust me,” he says, meeting my eyes. “It’ll help to hear this from Castle himself.”
Five
“Why?” is the first thing I say to Castle.
I burst through the doorway with maybe a little too much force, but I can’t help it. I’m freaking out. “Why do I have to hear this directly from you?” I ask. “What’s going on?”
I can hardly keep the anger out of my voice. I can hardly keep myself from imagining every possible worst-case scenario. Any number of horrible things could’ve happened to merit dragging me out of bed before dawn, and making me wait even five extra minutes to find out what the hell is going on is nothing short of cruel.
Castle stares at me, his face grim, and I take a deep breath, look around, steady my pulse. I have no idea where I am. This looks like some kind of . . . headquarters. Another building. Castle, Sam, and Nouria are seated at a long wooden table, atop which are scattered papers, waterlogged blueprints, a ruler, three pocketknives, and several old cups of coffee.
“Sit down, Kenji.”
But I’m still looking around, this time searching for J. Ian and Lily are here. Brendan and Winston, too.
No J. No Warner. And no one is making eye contact with me.
“Where’s Juliette?” I ask.
“You mean Ella,” Castle says gently.
“Whatever. Why isn’t she here?”
“Kenji,” Castle says. “Please sit down. This is hard enough without having to manage your emotions, too. Please.”
“With all due respect, sir, I’ll sit down after I know what the hell is going on.”
Castle sighs heavily. Finally, he says—
“You were right.”
My eyes widen, my heart still hammering in my chest. “Excuse me?”
“You were right,” Castle says, and his voice catches on the last word. He clenches and unclenches his fists. “About Adam. And James.”
But I’m shaking my head. “I don’t want to be right. I was overreacting. They’re fine. Don’t listen to me,” I say, sounding a little crazy. “I’m not right. I’m never right.”
“Kenji.”
“No.”
Castle looks up, looks me directly in the eye. He looks devastated. Beyond devastated.
“Tell me this is a joke,” I say.
“Anderson has taken the boys hostage,” he says, glancing at Brendan and Winston. Ian. The ghost of Emory. “He’s doing it again.”
I can’t handle this.
My heart can’t handle this. I’m already too close to the edge of crisis. This is too much. Too much.
“You’re wrong,” I insist. “Anderson wouldn’t do that, not to James. James is just a child— He wouldn’t do that to a child—”
“Yes,” Winston says quietly. “He would.”
I glance over at him, my eyes wild. I feel stupid. I feel like my skin is too tight. Too loose. And I’m looking at Castle again when I say:
“How do you know? How can you be sure this isn’t another trap, just like last time—”
“Of course it’s a trap,” Nouria says. Her voice is firm but not unkind. She glances at Castle before she says: “I’m not sure why, but my dad is making this sound like a simple hostage situation. It’s not. We’re not even sure exactly what’s happening yet. It definitely looks like Anderson is holding the boys hostage, but it’s also clear that there’s something much bigger happening behind the scenes. Anderson is plotting something. If he weren’t, he wouldn’t have—”
“I think,” Sam says, squeezing her wife’s hand, “what Nouria is trying to say