just finished dressing when the knock sounded. Early in the morning, I wasn't expecting anybody, which actually told me who it probably was. There's only one person with a habit of showing up unannounced, and now that she's done it so often, it's become her calling card.
"Hey," I answer, opening the door. I was right.
"Hey," Naomi grins, a smile sliding out one side of her mouth. "I just finished my shift and I'm not ready to go to sleep."
She steps inside, not waiting for me to respond. Naomi works nights in the emergency room at the hospital. She's a great doctor and funny as hell. After a couple months as friends, things progressed, and pretty soon we were sleeping together. It's never moved beyond using one another to scratch our itches though.
Normally I'd have no second thought about leading her back to my bedroom. It's a route we've walked dozens of times. But today something is different, and I'm not sure what it is. Or maybe I know exactly what it is, and it drives me insane.
"I'm running late, Naomi. Can we take a raincheck?"
"C'mon, Owen. It doesn't have to take long." She steps into me and I smell her shampoo, her damp hair brushing my cheek. She's ready. She stopped at home and showered, and instead of dropping into bed after a night-long shift, she drove over here. Naomi is good in bed; she knows everything I like and it would be easy to just jump into the bedroom with her real quick.
She pushes her hand against the front of my pants, her fingers curling over me.
It might be nice to fuck Autumn out of my thoughts…
Naomi leans in, brushing her breasts against my chest, a low moan rumbling in her throat.
I swallow hard, fighting biology and my second brain, and step away from her. I’m an emotional wreck after seeing Autumn, and although Naomi and I don’t have a serious relationship, I can’t bring myself to get involved with her right now.
I offer her a disappointed smile. "I really need to get going."
There is hurt in her eyes. We both know I'm not late for work. She knows what time I'm due at the hospital.
It's the first time I've ever turned her down, and I feel the shift in the air between us.
"Another time, then," she says, plastering a fake, bright smile on her face, and yanks her hand from my pants. She pivots, pulls open the door, and steps back through it. "Have a good shift, Owen."
I’m an idiot. What normal guy turns down casual sex? Ace would have a heart attack if I told him.
I stay in the door and watch her go. Naomi and I were never going to be serious, so why did I just fuck up a good thing? All because a certain brunette blew back into town and reminded me of the mess we made, the mess that's been simmering undisturbed for years, always waiting for the time when we would be forced to give it the attention it's been waiting so patiently for.
Frustrated, I snatch my keys off the kitchen table and shove my wallet in my pocket.
The entire drive to the hospital I try to forget about Autumn and her passionate arguing whenever she’s around me… of the sadness in her eyes even when she's angry.
And I fail completely at the pointless endeavor. Mostly I wonder if the underlying sadness in her eyes is there because of me.
Chapter 5
Autumn
"Mom, you need to eat." I make a face, exactly the kind of maternal face she's made at me a hundred times.
How long have I been sitting here watching her push scrambled eggs around on her plate, creating little mounds and then destroying them with her fork? Feels like three hours. In truth, it's only been maybe ten minutes.
She uses that same fork to point at my food. "Take your own advice."
Half of my food is gone. Given the way I feel this morning, it's the most I can possibly eat. Today is her first chemo treatment. First one of this latest diagnosis, anyway.
"More than you," I retort. "I read about all this last night, Mom. It said you need to eat a light meal before beginning treatment, and—"
I stop when I see the look on her face. "What?"
"This isn't my first rodeo, Autumn."
My stomach drops and the guilt gnaws at me. I should have been here all those other times. Grabbing my glass of water, I bring it to my lips.