make much difference.'
Harry's gut knotted. He didn't know which was stronger, fury or contempt for the perpetrators of that outrage. At that moment he felt ashamed to be a man.
'My sisters' sole wish was to shun the world and retreat to a convent. Mine was to leave Badajoz and join the guerrillas. Since the war had found me I decided to confront it, but not as a victim this time - never again as a victim.' She paused. 'Concha was of the same mind. Since she had suffered the same degradation as I, she understood what I was doing and why.'
'Concha too?'
'None of the women in our house were spared that night,' she replied.
'Dear God.'
'After that, marriage was out of the question. Even if my betrothed had wished to honour the pledge, I could not have gone through with it. The very idea of a man touching me was anathema.' She smiled with unwonted bitterness. 'I shot the first one to try. It was just a crease to the arm, but it sufficed. After that the rest kept their distance.'
'I imagine they did.'
'For a long time I didn't care whether I lived or died so I volunteered for all the most dangerous missions. I never got so much as a scratch.' She shook her head. 'The men came to believe I bore a charmed life and that any action I was involved in must be successful. They would go wherever I led them. As time went on though, the risks became more calculated. I knew I'd survived the worst and, at some point, without being aware of it, I must have decided that I wanted to go on living.'
'I'm glad you did.'
'After the war I retired to a small family estate in the country, thinking to live there quietly. Unfortunately my uncle got wind of it. He came to see me and to point out my duty.'
'The convent, I collect.'
'Just so. We had a fierce argument and he left. I thought that was the end of the matter, but he returned a week later with a large group of armed retainers.'
'I believe I met them.'
'Indeed you did.' Her jaw tightened. 'I protested as far as I could, but in the end I was compelled to go with him to Madrid. The rest you know.'
Harry felt winded. He couldn't begin to imagine the horror of what she had endured, or the kind of courage it must have required to get up and fight back. The very people who should have provided support had cast her out. Nor had her uncle paid any heed to her feelings when he'd compelled her to marry. It hadn't concerned him one iota that he was effectively forcing her into a stranger's bed. Marriage got her off his hands and lent the whole business a spurious respectability. Quite possibly the pious old hypocrite relished the thought of Elena being returned to a man's control and subjected to his will. Recalling his former lustful thoughts Harry was ashamed and sickened. Almost as bad was his failure to be honest with her.
For once Elena had no trouble reading his expression, and her heart sank. He was disgusted all right, and yet she could not regret telling him the truth. There had been enough pretence. Now he knew who she was and what she was. She could not blame him for his reaction, nor had she expected it to hurt quite as much.
'I should have told you about Badajoz,' he said.
'Yes, you should.'
'I wish that I had.'
'So do I. I also wish that my uncle had been frank with you.'
'It would have saved a lot of misunderstanding.'
'Well, at least we're no longer at cross-purposes.' She rose from her chair. 'If you would excuse me I think I'd like a little time to myself.'
'Of course.' He wasn't in the least surprised that she should wish to be out of his company for a while. The very thought must be unpalatable now. 'We'll talk later.'
His gaze followed her to the door. When it closed behind her what remained was a powerful sense of sadness and loss.
Chapter Fourteen
Elena didn't return to the chamber she shared with Harry. The thought was intolerable just then. Feeling a great need for fresh air and open space she made her way instead to the garden behind the inn. It was walled and, thanks to a number of fruit trees between it and the buildings, relatively private. Elena paced about for a while, trying and failing