just so you know. Almost had me believing you were actually mad about her kissing me.”
“If she kissed you then why did you kiss her back?” She turns around to face me. “I thought the whole point of me coming here was to prove to her that you’ve moved on, yet you just kissed her.”
“That wasn’t a kiss, Nat. Trust me. It was barely a peck that lasted all of five seconds. If I had truly kissed her back, you’d know.” I run a hand through my hair, feeling guilty all of a sudden. “Are you mad about it?”
“Of course not. I have no reason to be other than it makes me look like a fool.” She takes off walking again, taking the same trail we took the other morning.
“I’m sorry, Nat. I never meant to make you look like a fool. She caught me off guard and I didn’t act fast enough. That’s all that was.”
“No need to explain. Clearly, you still have feelings for her. Nothing I can do about that so let’s just walk in silence.”
I don’t know what to say to that so I just follow her lead.
“Do you miss my brother yet?” I ask moments later, changing the subject.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m used to us going a few days apart on occasion. Sometimes we’re too tired to see each other, so it seems easier to wait until one of us has a day off work.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, why?”
I lift a branch for her and grab her hand to help her over a heap of fallen limbs. “You two live like ten minutes apart and work twenty minutes apart. That makes no fucking sense to me. Even if I was just coming to your house to hold you while you slept, I’d be there at the end of the day.”
“Your brother sleeps better when he has space. He sweats easily.”
“Then turn the fucking air up. A lot of shit he does has never made sense to me. I’m surprised he’s kept you this long.”
“Why is that?” She laughs and pushes a branch out of the way. “He’s a good guy.”
“Sometimes being a good guy isn’t enough. Not when you’re with a girl that deserves so much more than what you can give.”
She suddenly stops and looks back at me as if she wasn’t expecting what I just said. “What makes you so sure I deserve more?”
“Because being around you makes me want to give you more. Whenever I learn that my brother isn’t giving you something, I think of all the ways I could if you were mine. You deserve a man who’ll make you his top priority, not put you in line behind his job and himself.”
Instead of responding to me, we walk in silence for a while longer just enjoying the scenery and peacefulness of our morning walk.
The more time I spend with Natalie and get to know her, the more protective over her I feel, which has me questioning even more why my brother would agree to her coming on this trip with me. It makes no fucking sense, because if the roles were reversed, I never would’ve let her leave with him. Not a chance in Hell.
“How would you feel about getting away for a little bit tonight? Just the two of us. We could go to that bar we passed by the gas station and just be ourselves for a while with no pressure from everyone else.”
“Really? Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
I nod and brush her hair behind her ear. “Yeah. My friends will be fine without us for a few hours. I think we both need a few hours to just breathe and be ourselves. Don’t you agree?”
“Yeah. I’d really like that.”
“Then, yeah. I’m okay with it. After the show you just put on, you deserve it.”
After my little confession in the woods earlier that Natalie deserves someone better than my brother, I knew time away from pretending would probably be good for both of us.
Too much pretend can start to feel real. I learned that this morning when Alana kissed me and I felt guilty for kissing her back. What the fuck does that even mean? I haven’t been able to figure it out and it’s been bugging me.
“You two heading out for a while?” Jake asks from across the picnic table.
I nod and finish off my beer. “Yeah. Figured it’d be good to give her some time away from playing the rock star’s girlfriend.