sat for him at least a couple of times a week. Those sessions always seemed to end with some surface of the studio being explored in a whole new way.
Phoenix26: Things are good. I’m making friends. Even told some of them about Michael.
There was no response for a moment.
Evergreen13: Are you sure that’s wise? Do you know them well enough?
I took a moment to fight back the anxiety that wanted to grab hold of my insides. I was moving forward, and that meant I had to take a few leaps. Bell’s and Caelyn’s kind understanding told me that I’d made the right choice. They had both checked in after the night at Caelyn and Griffin’s farmhouse. But neither had pushed. They had simply given me gentle reassurance that they were available if I ever wanted or needed to talk.
Phoenix26: If you met them, you’d understand. They’re pretty amazing.
Evergreen13: Sorry, my paranoia can get the best of me sometimes. It’s good that you’re letting people in. I’m proud of you.
I was proud of myself. Stepping into that great unknown had brought nothing but change for the better. I was even considering playing at The Catch again this weekend. The bluegrass band wanted me to consider playing with them regularly.
Phoenix26: Thanks, E. How are things with you?
Evergreen13: Same ol’ same ol’ here.
Somehow, even through a computer screen, I could sense that E was holding something back.
Phoenix26: What aren’t you saying?
E sent a picture of someone sighing.
Evergreen13: Always have that sixth sense, don’t you? I’m just wondering if it’s time for me to face some stuff that I’ve been avoiding.
I didn’t know E’s full story, only bits and pieces. But I knew that staying away from her family had been priority number one for a long time.
Phoenix26: Family stuff?
Evergreen13: Isn’t it always?
Sometimes it felt impossible to make peace with that kind of hurt. How could you, when the one who’d caused you pain was someone you’d loved all your life? I certainly hadn’t mastered how to hold both sides of those emotions when it came to Michael. Instead, I always seemed to seesaw back and forth between love and hate, fear and longing.
The longing was the worst. Because I wasn’t nostalgic for some moment in my past. It was a vicious yearning for something that had never existed. A family where I didn’t live every moment on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the monster to appear.
The more time I spent with Caelyn and her family, the more I saw what I’d missed. The casual ease with which they experienced everyday life. Sure, there were fights. I’d seen a knock-down-drag-out one between Mia and Ava when Mia had gotten some glitter paint on Ava’s drawing. But underneath it all was a love you could feel, and a shared empathy. Michael simply wasn’t capable of that.
I gave my head a little shake, bringing myself out of my musings and back to the conversation with E. She’d been there for me through so much, and I wanted to give her the same.
Phoenix26: Is there anything I can do? Want to talk it out? We can video chat.
Evergreen13: I appreciate it, I really do, but I need to wrap my head around some stuff before I talk about anything.
Phoenix26: I’m here whenever you’re ready.
Evergreen13: I know you are. Let’s talk soon.
We said our goodbyes, and I logged out of the chat. My fingers drummed against the counter as I took another sip of coffee. Days like today, I wished E was just a boat ride away so that we could have these conversations in person. Maybe then she’d be more likely to open up. I’d have to talk to her about considering a visit to Harbor. I was sure Brody would be fine with having a guest. Even if it meant our studio sessions would be restricted to just painting.
I smiled down into my mug. My skin hummed just thinking about it. Brody hadn’t even stirred when I’d left him in bed this morning. A late night leaving him dead to the world. But I couldn’t shake my early-bird routine. And the chickens would be making a fuss soon if I didn’t get going.
I took the final swig of my coffee and headed for the coop. I fed the girls and collected their eggs, leaving the basket just outside their enclosure to grab when I finished my morning chores. I made my rounds in the greenhouse, paying special attention to the seedlings I’d