you, Nix. If I’m a concept. I’m your man, not ‘one of them.’”
“I don’t think you’re one of them.” She leans against the wall and crosses her arms over her chest. “But I do think there are things about my experience, what it means to negotiate my life in this world, that you don’t, can’t understand.”
“I know that. I was born with platinum spoons in my mouth. A whole set, if I’m honest, and you’re right. I have layers and layers of privilege I couldn’t shed if I tried. I don’t want to shed them. If I didn’t have those advantages, I couldn’t leverage them for people who don’t.”
She draws a deep breath and nods. “Thank you for seeing that. It’s what allies should do, and you’ve always done an excellent job of it. I didn’t mean to imply you don’t. I’m sorry for that, but maybe you can understand my hesitation about people finding out we’re together until the campaign is over.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand or agree. I don’t give a fuck what people think.”
“Even not giving a fuck is a privilege I don’t have,” she says, her frown back. “It’s not about that. It’s about understanding how people’s minds work, about their assumptions. They’ll think Owen chose me because I’m sleeping with you, not because I was the best person for the job. Can you even grasp what it means for a Native American girl raised on the rez and a black woman to be running the campaign for the probable next president of the United States?”
The weight of it, the pride tucked into the crevices of her words, dismantles all my reasons for pushing back on this. I breathe through a sinking feeling at what I need to do, to tell her.
“I suggested that Owen hire you and arranged for you to be on Beltway with him.”
Her eyes saucer and her mouth drops open. “You what?”
“Baby, I—”
“Do not call me baby right now.”
“He would have hired you anyway.”
“But you just helped him along by recommending that pretty little thing you fucked years ago?”
“Don’t be reductive.”
“I’m being reductive?” She slams her hand against the wall, fury spitting from her eyes. “So if I had been a man, I wouldn’t have this job now because a man doesn’t have a pussy for you to play with.”
“Dammit, Nix.”
“How dare you manipulate something this important for your own ends, your own desires? This is the fate of a nation, and you wanted me back in your bed so you arranged for your brother to hire me?”
“It’s not that simple You were the best for the job. He recognized that, or he wouldn’t have brought you on.”
“Oh, I know Owen wouldn’t have hired me if he didn’t believe I could do it. I’m talking about you. Did you even care that I could do it? Or did you just want me back?”
“Both,” I say with unflinching honesty. “I believed you could do the job and I would have done anything to get you back. You can call that privilege or arrogance. I don’t know what it is and I don’t actually care. I care about you. About us.”
I cross the kitchen in a few strides, coming to stand right in front of her, placing my arms on either side of her head, caging her against the wall with my body. She holds herself stiffly, looking down at the floor, a ring of tension around the lush curves of her mouth.
“I’m sorry,” I say, dipping to kiss the tight line of her jaw.
“Doc, don’t.” She turns her head. “This is a big deal, and we can’t gloss it over.”
“Do you think you’re capable of leading O’s campaign?”
She swivels an indignant look up to me. “Of course I’m capable. I have a track record. Kimba and I have worked our asses off proving we’re capable.”
“And Owen knows that.” I push a swathe of dark hair away from her face, over her shoulder. “I know you’re capable, or I wouldn’t have suggested you. I would have found another way to get you if you’d been bad at your job. Lucky for me, you’re the best in the business. You’re the Kingmaker.”
She shakes her head. “It’s hard for me to believe you now.”
I lift her chin, hold her eyes so she can see the truth. “I watched you work. I knew you’d be able to do it when you won that city council race in New Mexico.”
She frowns. “That was a tiny race. How did