when no one chooses you?”
“Kitty, that’s not what this is,” he whispered.
“You learn to choose yourself. And that’s what I’m doing. I’m choosing me. I’m choosing no anxiety attacks. No deployment. No…” My face crumpled, and I fought the tears that stung my eyes.
“No me.” His mouth tightened as he fought for emotional control.
“If you love me, you’ll go.”
He flinched.
“You won’t ask me to do this. You won’t ask me to stay with you, knowing the cost is this happening to me every. Single. Day. You won’t ask me to undo everything I’ve fought so hard for.” Air flew freely through my throat, and the ache lessened.
“Morgan, no. God, please.” He clenched his hands but didn’t reach for me.
One touch was all it would take to break my resolve, and I couldn’t let that happen. Not unless I wanted to dive right back into daily attacks, and if I had to go through another deployment…that’s exactly where I’d be.
“Jackson, if you love me as much as you say you do, you will walk out that door and you won’t come back. You’ll let me heal. You’ll let me go.”
Despair. Conflict. Anger. Frustration. Defeat. They all visited his face in the span of thirty seconds—some twice. I gripped my knees to keep from grabbing him as he stood. I locked my jaw to keep from begging him to stay.
He walked to the door and then through it but turned around once he was on the deck. “I love you more than any torture you could ever ask of me. So, if I love you enough to walk away, can’t you love me enough to stay?”
The last stitches in my heart ripped free, and my damage bled out all over me. “I never said I loved you.” It was barely a whisper, but he heard it.
“Right. I guess you didn’t.” His expression would haunt my dreams for as long as I lived.
“Sam, close the door,” I begged. The meds were kicking in, and while I could move, I was sluggish as hell, but at least the ache in my throat was fading.
His face tightened, daring me to do it myself, but I couldn’t.
“Morgan…this is… Maybe take some time?” she asked softly.
I leveled her with a stare. “Remember when you showed up at my house with a truckload of furniture and begged me not to tell Grayson where you were?”
“Shit.” Her mouth tensed, and her gaze flew between Jackson and me.
“Please shut the door.” My voice broke, and my shoulders rose as the first sob racked through me.
Jackson moved, heading my direction, but Sam was faster and shut the door before he got there. And because Sam never did anything half measure, the deadbolt followed.
What was left of my pulverized heart shattered into so many pieces it may as well have been sand.
Sam sat and pulled me into her arms while I cried.
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, even though we both knew it wasn’t.
So I did what I always did. Wiped my tears, lifted my chin, and waited for the pain to pass.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jackson
I finished packing my second duffel and placed it next to the first in my entryway. All I had left to do was pack my carry-on.
Our flight left tomorrow afternoon.
The last week had both flown immeasurably fast and dragged like hell. The time I spent with Fin disappeared in a heartbeat, and the moments I stood at my window and blatantly stared at Morgan’s house…those seemed to last forever and hurt like hell.
If you love me as much as you say you do, you will walk out that door and you won’t come back. You’ll let me heal. You’ll let me go. Her words had played on repeat inside my head for the last eight days. The sound of her sobs came in a close second. Her telling me that she’d never said she loved me? I blocked that out as much as possible.
Every day I climbed her steps and left a single piece of sea glass next to the one I’d left the day before. She was amassing quite the little pile, and I was paying quite the bill to Christina, since I didn’t have much sea-glass hunting time left. But unlike the last time I’d left daily reminders that I wasn’t giving up, this time she hadn’t accepted them.
The situation wasn’t hopeless, since she still lived next door, but it wasn’t exactly hopeful, either.
“You should take Phillip,” Finley said.
I turned away from the window to see