The Reality of Everything - Rebecca Yarros Page 0,105
extinguished it but fed it instead.
“I need to regroup.”
Jackson nodded once. “Well, as fun as this is, we’re going to take a little break and feed my daughter’s guinea pig.” Jackson tilted his head and looked down at me. “We might need to feed the turtle, too.” He took my hand, put himself between my closest friends and me, and started to walk us toward the dune.
“Are you coming back?” Paisley asked, her voice breaking. “Do you want us to go?”
I paused, gathered my composure, and then turned around to face them without letting go of Jackson’s hand.
“I need a break, because when I look at that invitation, the only place I want to tell you to go to is hell, Lee. I’ll be damned if I’m going to watch you accept his posthumous award while everyone cheers, because we both know his mama isn’t going to sober up enough to do it.”
Her eyes flared, and then her face fell.
“Right, that’s what I thought.” My stomach turned at the prospect of watching it all go down. “Will made you his primary next of kin, and that gives you access to all the information, and I get it, you just wanted to honor him while trying to navigate my delicate feelings that you knew nothing about. But you do now. So I’m leaving in the hopes that by the morning, this feeling will pass and I can calm myself down enough that I won’t tell you to take that award ceremony and shove it up your perfect ass, because this is the last time I will ever let any of you think that your grief or your love for Will is deeper or stronger than mine. Losing that man drove me to actual insanity, and as far as I can see, you’re all doing just fine.”
They stared at me with varying degrees of shock, with the exception of Sam, who smirked.
“Ember, the coffeemaker is plugged into the dining room since I don’t have any counters. Sam can show you where I put the extra towels, and she knows how to work the alarm and the sliding windows. And Sam, if you wouldn’t mind making my apologies to our Outer Banks friends? Y’all have a good night. I sure do appreciate you coming all the way down here to see me.” My eyes narrowed. “And if any of you so much as touch his truck, so help me God, there will not be enough time and space in the world to calm me down. Night!” I flashed a fake smile they all would have accepted as real before this blowup and walked over the dune with Jackson…who had just witnessed my entire tirade over another man.
“Are you okay?” he asked, handing me the invitation.
“Are you?” I challenged softly. “I never meant for you to hear all that. I can’t imagine how you must feel right now.”
His jaw ticked for a second, but he lifted my hand and kissed the back of it. “I feel proud of you.”
“That’s not what I meant.” I shook my head. “I don’t want you to think you’re in some kind of competition with Will.”
“But I am.” He shrugged as we paused between our houses. “I have been since the moment we met. I’m not the guy to lay down my life—not with Fin at home. I’m the guy who figures out a way for everyone to live. But that out there”—he motioned toward the beach—“that wasn’t about me.”
“Jackson.” My heart sank with guilt.
“It’s okay.” He cradled my face. “And when it comes to you, I might be a few laps behind in this race, but I’ve got a slight advantage on the guy.”
“You’re alive?” Sarcasm rolled heavily off my tongue.
“I wasn’t going there.” A corner of his mouth lifted. “Time, Morgan. I have time and the persistence to use it. Now, what do you want to do with the rest of our night?”
“Take me to bed.”
His forehead crinkled. “I thought you wanted some space from your friends.”
“Right. Take me to your bed.”
Chapter Nineteen
Morgan
Here’s the thing. If I don’t make it back from this, you can’t lock that big, beautiful heart away. When that guy comes along, and trust me, he will, you have to take the chance.
Substantial, scrumptious warmth surrounded me as I opened my eyes.
I blinked rapidly to bring the world into focus and tried to make sense of the heavy, masculine furniture and hunter-green comforter.