for. God, Fallon,” he breathed, “if anything, I’m the one who should be sorry.”
I didn’t want to go back and forth with the guilt. This wasn’t a contest. After a few moments of silence, I asked, “Have you been here the entire time?”
“No,” he replied, his lips kissing my hair. “I had to go down to the police station and answer their questions. Give them my statement. Since, uh, we’re not married, I wasn’t given the choice. But believe me, Fallon, had I had the choice, I would have been here with you the entire time.” His arms were like bands around me. “I thought I lost you, baby.”
We were silent for a few moments, just basking in the comfort of each other’s arms, being thankful to both be alive. After a while, he finally asked, “What happened in there?”
What could I say? To repeat the story felt false. I could say the words, but they could never convey the emotions felt in those terrifying moments where Thomas almost shot me, and the police killed him. It wasn’t all perfectly orchestrated like an action movie. It had been messy and horrifying. And I knew I was going to need months, if not years, of therapy to be able to sleep at night again.
“Thomas…he…he said he was going to kill me,” I told him. “He said I was going to be with him or no one, and he didn’t care if he was killed as long as I was too.” Xander’s arms tightened around my body. “He cocked…uhm, the cocked the gun, and as soon as it sounded, one of the officers shot him in the head.” Chills ran down my spine and I knew Xander could feel me trembling. “I don’t know how many times he was shot because I collapsed, and then, the officers got me out of there.”
“Jesus Christ,” he swore. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I just can’t believe it,” I sobbed. “That’s not the boy I grew up with, Xander. How…how could this happen?”
Xander sighed and held me tighter. “No one knows what it is that connects us to someone, Fallon,” he replied. “But since I was willing to die for you, I can understand how he was, too.”
“I love you,” I whispered, and not because I was in shock, but because now I was no longer afraid to put a name to what I was feeling for Xander. Leaving the attic went beyond doing the right thing. I had left the attic because I was in love with Xander.
“Fallon, you’ve suffered a-”
I pulled away from him and look up at him. “I know what you’re thinking, Xander,” I said, interrupting him. “That I’m just experiencing the aftermath of my chaotic emotions, but I’m not.” He didn’t look convinced, so I added, “Why do you think I left the attic, Xander?”
“I know it’s probably too soon and everything is such a fucking mess, but, goddamn, Fallon, I love you, too, baby,” he replied and everything in me crashed.
I started sobbing and it just didn’t stop.
After I finally calmed down, Xander got off the bed and sat down on the chair next to bed. He had a hold of my hand as he said, “While I was waiting to be questioned by the police, I called Trevor and…told him some of what happened. I told him you were in the hospital, and he and Karla were in the visitor waiting room when I got here.”
Oh, God. I had forgotten about Karla. “Can I see them?” I didn’t see why I couldn’t. I wasn’t injured beyond my emotional and mental state, and I so wanted to see them.
Xander gave me a small smile. “You can only have two visitors, but I’ll see if I can sneak them by. If not, I’ll wait outside, so they can see you.”
I nodded, and even though I didn’t want Xander to leave my sight, I needed Karla. I needed the connection that only she will understand. When she rushed in, Trevor and Xander behind her, I broke down. She immediately put her arms around me. “Oh, Fallon,” she cried. “I’m so glad you’re going to be okay.”
After a couple of moments, I got myself under control again, and she let go to sit down in the chair Xander had been sitting in earlier. “So am I,” I told her honestly.
“What happened?” she asked quietly.
I looked at her and then glanced over at Xander and Trevor. I knew I was going to need to share