that you’re hot for, don’t wait. Don’t hope. Don’t take what you can get with the lowest hanging fruit, which is what I was, for you. You’re better looking than you know. You’re a good person. You’re sweet and funny, and you deserve someone who really likes you and wants to be with you, not just someone who was using you because you were safe and convenient.”
He laughed. “You say that, now. But I get your meaning.” He let out a slow sigh. “I let it happen, Torie. I knew what the score was between us, and I stuck around for it. So don’t, like, get all ‘I’m such a villain for using Max,’ okay? I let you. I knew you’d never love me. And honestly, it was sort of the same for me. You were safe. I knew you didn’t love me, but you liked me, and you liked hanging out with me and you put up with my stupid anime shows. So…you were a safe, convenient way for me to get to touch some boobies and get my penis touched without having to deal with yucky, awkward garbage emotions, because I knew as long as I could ignore the fact that I’m in love with you, it would just be cheap, convenient quasisexual fun. And, being a guy skilled at ignoring and suppressing inconvenient emotions, I was easily able to just go along with what you were offering for as long as things went on.”
“So, what you’re saying is I shouldn’t feel bad for using you because you were using me too?”
“‘All right, we’ll call it a draw,’” he said, and I recognized the quote from his second-favorite movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
“I will miss you, Max. And I’m sorry for avoiding you and saying goodbye to my oldest friend over the phone.”
“You should feel a little bad about that,” he said. “But it’s okay. I get it. And I was serious when I said it’s probably for the best because I’m not good with goodbyes or emotions, much less emotional goodbyes.”
“So…” The lump was hot and hard to swallow, harder to talk around. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”
“Which is why you were avoiding doing it.”
“Right,” I whispered. “I’ll miss you, Maximillian. Goodbye.”
“I’ll miss you too, Victoria. Send me a postcard from Alaska.”
Silence.
“You sure I can’t convince you to swing by for one last bowl and a handie?”
I laughed. “Max.”
“Had to try.” He sighed. “I’m hanging up now. Bye, T. Be safe.”
“Bye, Max,” I whispered, but he’d already hung up.
I sat in silence for a bit, absorbing the reality of that whole situation.
I went inside, after a few minutes, leaving my bag on the step. Rhys was pouring coffee into a pair of beat-up travel mugs.
He grinned at me, a quick, easy, familiar grin. “Hey. Good talk?”
“Yeah, it was Leighton. Wanted to run a few things by her.” I decided to keep my talk with Max private, for now.
“Like if this road trip with me is a terrible idea?”
I frowned. “Were you eavesdropping?”
“No!” he laughed, holding up both hands. “I wasn’t, I swear.”
“Because that’s exactly what we talked about.”
“And? What was her advice?”
“Well, honestly, she said to go for it. You seem like a good and decent guy, so she said just be careful and listen to my gut if anything feels off.”
“So, I have her somewhat conditional blessing?”
“Yeah. Just don’t rape and murder me.”
“Not sure how I’m supposed to answer that. Nothing could be further from my mind.”
I smiled at him. “I wouldn’t be going with you if I didn’t know you were such a good person. And, I wouldn’t have slept here if I’d had any reservations about you.”
“I’m glad you feel that way, because you are safe with me.” He hesitated. Swallowed. “You’re safe with me, Torie. I may make stupid and inappropriate comments sometimes, but…I heard what you said about not starting anything, and I respect that. So…you’re safe in that sense, too. We’re just two friends on a road trip.”
“I…” I trailed off, unsure what I wanted to say.
I was so confused. I didn’t want to be that safe with him, not in that sense. Maybe I’d overstated my case.
Maybe I wanted him to take a chance. To push me a little.
Maybe my fear was getting in my way. Maybe I was holding on to my virginity a little too tightly. Maybe…maybe I had built it up into this…THING. The right person, the right time, the right