“Because messing around with him but refusing to have sex with him isn’t? That’s the ultimate tease!”
“I told him if it was too hard for him to live with that, we should stop messing around. He said no, he’d take what he could get with me, and he understood.”
“Because he was hoping you’d change your mind.”
“Shit.” I slapped my forehead. “You’re probably right. Well, in that case, this is for the best. But I’ll be gentle.”
“I’m at work, so I gotta go.”
“Yeah, me too. Thanks, Ley.”
“It’s what best friends are for. And for real, fill me in if anything hot happens. You know I’m a dirty voyeur.”
“Yeah, yeah. Talk to you later.”
I wanted to put off talking to Max, which was all the more reason to call him now. As usual, he let it ring for a long time before answering, and when he did, it was distracted, because he was either playing a game or coding, or both.
“Hey, T,” he said. “I was gonna call you. I’m almost done with a big project and I’ll have some free time, if you wanna come over. I kinda want to watch Akira again, if you’re interested.”
I laughed, because we’d watched that so many times I could quote it. “Actually, I’m calling for a different reason. Um…can I get your full attention for a minute?”
I knew if I didn’t ask, he’d be only partially focused on what I was saying and would miss some, if not all of what I was saying.
A pause, buttons clicking, and then a clatter as he tossed his controller down on his coffee table—I knew him so well I could see it in my mind’s eye. In three, two, one…
“Okay, I’m focused,” he said, on cue, with a sigh as he flopped to his couch—he played standing up, bouncing from foot to foot, full agitated energy.
“No way to ease into this, so I’m just gonna say it. I’m leaving Connecticut.”
A silence.
“Um…like, for good? You’re moving? When? Where? Why?”
“Well, it’s more of a trip right now—Lexie is getting married up in Alaska, and I have to go up for the wedding. And, honestly, I have a feeling I’ll end up staying there. Everyone but me and Poppy live there, and…I miss Mom and my sisters, and to be brutally honest, my life here is going nowhere fast. So I’m not like one hundred percent certain I’m moving, but it’s a good likelihood.”
“Wow.” He needed a moment or two to process and figure out how to express himself. “Will I get to see you before you go?”
I felt a lump in my throat. “Um, no, actually. I’m about to leave right now.”
“Oh.”
“Max, I…”
He cleared his throat. “It’s cool. I understand. I’m not very good with emotions or goodbyes, so emotional goodbyes are the worst.” He was silent a moment. “But then, fuck that. We’ve been friends since second grade and I get a phone call when you move away forever? Harsh, T.”
“Max—”
“Be honest, Torie.”
I gulped. “Fine. I’m avoiding you. I’m avoiding the goodbye. You and me—what we do, it’s…I…I’ve enjoyed it. It’s been fun. But…you want the truth? The truth is I know you have feelings for me and I won’t ever share them, Max. You’ve been my best friend, and I love you as friends, and yes, there’s a level of physical attraction to you. But…Max, it had to end. We couldn’t keep messing around like we were. It had to either be more, or less. And it was never going to be more. And that’s not—it’s not because of anything you are or aren’t as a person. You’re amazing, and I—”
“I’ve been in love with you since the day we met, Victoria. I’ve taken your scraps of affection and attention. I’ve waited. I’ve hoped. I’ve taken what I can get. And I’ve always known it would never be anything more, but I guess I’ve always held out hope that…I don’t know, honestly.”
“That I’d never find anyone and get desperate enough to settle for you?”
He huffed, somewhere between bitter and hurt. “Yeah, basically.”
“You deserve better, Max. Better than waiting for some dumb girl to get desperate enough to settle for you. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But I was convenient and safe.”
“Yeah.”
“Dunno how I feel about that.”
“Can I give you my honest opinion as your best friend and as a woman?”
He sighed. “Yeah, please do.”
“Don’t wait. When a girl comes along that you like,