it’s like I’m in a horror movie. My vision is blurred and my head is dizzy. I’m on my back on a bed. I stare at the ceiling. There are cracks on there. I don’t know why I focus on those, but I do. A man is on top of me.
I try to scream, but nothing comes out.
I struggle.
I feel nauseous.
I feel weak.
Through the loud noise, the buzzing in my head, I hear his voice, and I smile.
Adam has come to save me.
He will make everything better.
Only he doesn’t.
Instead, he just leaves me to my hell.
* * *
This is it. I have to tell him now. Fuck him and what he thinks he knows.
“We fought, yes. I went to a party, yes. I had about two drinks, and then I was going to call you to come pick me up. I didn’t want to be there; I wanted to be with you.” I take a deep breath, knowing the next part was going to be extremely hard to get out. Rake watches me expectantly, his expression giving away nothing.
“Christa gave me the drinks,” I continue. “You know I didn’t know her well. She seemed like a fun girl, although I did see her checking you out, but then, all the girls did.” I laugh without humor. “I was fucking drugged, Adam. Roofied. I blacked out and when I came to, I was being raped. I was completely out of it. When I heard you coming into the room—I thought you were there to save me. But. You. Left. Me.”
I hit his chest with my hand. “You fucking left me! You were supposed to save me! Why didn’t you save me?”
Tears start to drip down my cheeks, and finally I allow them to fall. I don’t hide them; I don’t suppress them; I embrace them. I accept them. These tears, they are me, my pain. A symbol of my suffering. And as I let them drip, I set myself free, a weight lifted at last. I can actually feel the moment the pain shifts from me to him.
His expression crumbles, brows furrowing. His eyes fill with pain, an expression of all-consuming horror spreading over his handsome face.
He feels it.
He rubs his chest with his palm.
Yeah, he feels it.
I didn’t want to tell him, I didn’t, but now it’s done. He knows. The thing is, no matter what, he knows one fact about me. One fact that was always true, from the day he met me, to the day I’ll die.
I never lie.
“And the worst part,” I say through my tears. “Is after all that. You slept with the girl who drugged me. And you flaunted it in front of me.”
“Bailey,” he whispers, the one word so broken, so raw, and so filled with pain that I want to hold him, but I don’t.
Because this time, I need to protect myself.
I run to my room and lock the door behind me.
Then, I bury my face in my pillow and simply cry.
SEVENTEEN
Rake
I SIT on the floor in front of her locked door, my head in my hands, and listen to her cry, each whimper destroying a part of my soul.
But I listen, because I deserve to hear each sob. Each fuckin’ tear on that pillow is because of me.
Every word she said replays in my head on a loop.
How did I fuck up so badly?
How did I do something like this to the one person I loved more than anyone else on this earth?
I think back to that night, trying to figure out where I went wrong.
“Hey, Adam,” Elizabeth, a girl in my English class says as she slides up to me. I spare her a glance and a lift of my chin before stepping away from her and walking to the front door of Jesse’s house. The loud music hits my ears as I open the unlocked door and step inside. There are people everywhere, both familiar faces and unknown ones. Jesse always throws parties; his parents go away a lot and don’t give a shit about what he does as long as the place is cleaned up before they get home. Bailey and I would usually make an appearance together, spend a little time with our friends before sneaking off to be alone. The last party we were at, we left early and went swimming together at the lake instead. I smile as I remember how she’d stripped down and thrown her clothes in my face before diving into the water.
“Hey,