full weight of his dark brown eyes. “Let me make love to you tonight.”
I fought not to frown at him. “Okay, I mean haven’t I already agreed to that?”
“For this once, I don’t want to tie you up, or play the bedroom games we usually do. I would like to simply have sex with you.”
“I’m not really a straight missionary kind of girl,” I said, still not understanding what he was asking.
“That is what I thought, we come up with something that will make us both happy.” His voice was okay, but he looked away while he said it, hiding his eyes.
I squeezed his hand, trying to draw him into a hug, but he stayed turned away. I grabbed his suit jacket and pulled him around so that he had to look at me or over my head. There was pain in his eyes, as if I’d said something that hurt him, and I had no idea what had just happened to add to the weight of sorrow on him today.
“I feel like we’re having two different conversations here, Rafael. Please, just talk clearly with me. We were friends years before we added the benefits, so please just for a few minutes talk to me like I’m your friend that you have sex with, not just another crazy woman that you date.”
He smiled and then laughed. “You are not crazy, Anita, maybe you are not crazy enough for me to be comfortable.”
“Hey, I offered to set some of your belongings on fire if you needed me to be crazy for you.”
He hugged me. “No, please don’t.”
I hugged him back, my face pressed against his chest. “Then talk to me, just talk to me, not around me, or about what you think is in my head, but just treat me like you used to treat me before we started having sex. Talk to me like I’m your friend and we’ll go from there.”
He rubbed his face against my hair. “If you were my friend, I would say I am dating a woman who is into hot bondage sex and at first that was amazing and exactly what I wanted, but now I would like to make love to her. I would like to have sex with her that didn’t include tying her up, or chasing her, or even the delight of tearing her clothes off, though I would like to do that later.”
I settled into his body as much as his gun and knives and mine would let us. Nathaniel wasn’t wrong about the weapons getting in the way. “Deal on the clothes tearing for later, but we don’t have to have rough or bondage sex every time we’re together, Rafael. If you want to make love without it, we can try.”
“Try,” he said, and started to pull out of the hug.
I grabbed his jacket and kept him from going too far. “Damn it, Rafael, stop picking at every word choice I make and just listen to what I’m actually saying, not what negative shit is translating in your head.”
“I don’t know what that meant,” he said.
I fought not to sigh out loud. “It means if you want to make love without any bondage, then let’s do that.”
“I thought you only did bondage.”
“Not always.”
“Or only with multiple people at once like the three-way you offered earlier.”
“Look, we’ll discuss that later, but right now if you want to make love to me, then the answer is yes.”
“Yes, just like that,” he said, studying my face.
“Just like that,” I said, smiling up at his serious eyes.
“Is this where you tell me I should have asked sooner?”
I shook my head. “No, this is where I remind you that I said yes, make love to me, and you’re still talking.”
He smiled and then it blossomed into a full-out grin, which I don’t think I’d ever seen before. “No more talking,” he said, and took my hand in his and started leading me down the hallway.
9
RAFAEL GOT ME out of my clothes, so that I stood nude in front of him by the bed, but he was still wearing his dress slacks; even his belt was fastened. His feet were bare against the carpet, the hem of his slacks too long without the dress boots to hold them up. I traced my hands down the front of his chest; my skin looked even paler against the brown of his, and I liked the contrast. He took my hands in his.
“Your hands are so small, but you