the first blackout? I couldn’t remember. I definitely hadn’t taken anything prior to my migraine yesterday.
But, since I couldn’t trust my memory, I shook out the pills from each bottle one by one, then painstakingly counted them. A strange sense of déjà vu pressed down on me. Shrugging it off, I continued on with my inventory, with a special focus on the painkillers.
There were definitely extra pills—which meant I hadn’t taken them.
What else had I eaten from the outside?
The pastries with Lily. But Lily had eaten them, too. Plus I was the one who’d asked her if she wanted to come for a drive.
I’d had cake with Diana. Again, she’d also eaten the same cake.
Shanti fed me a lot, but Shanti had zero reason to make me sick enough to doubt myself. I was nice to her, and I’d made a promise to ensure my sister would never be without resources. But . . . Shanti was also the one who’d said I’d asked her to get the rat poison. I’d taken that as fact, but what if . . .
I kept her name on my mental list.
Was I forgetting anything or anyone?
Taking out my notebook, I began to go through everything in it from the start. At the end, I added in a few more notes, including about my pill inventory. The one thing I didn’t note was Lexi’s bitchy comment. Diana deserved better than for me to immortalize such stupid lies.
A knock on the door. “Aarav.”
“Shanti, come in.” Guilt snarled my guts.
She poked her head around the corner. “I just spoke to Elei. She says Alice can have visitors. Do you want to come?”
“What about Pari?”
“Oh, she’s at her friend’s house—they’re doing a project together.” Shanti beamed. “We’ll pick her up on the way back.”
“Yes, I’d like to come.” I wanted to speak to Alice again, see if she’d tell me anything new.
But when we got downstairs and walked out, I hesitated. Driving myself was one thing, but having a passenger . . . “Do you mind driving?” I asked without explanation.
“Oh, sure, that’s fine.” Shanti smiled, but I could tell she was nervous. She rarely drove outside her small, familiar circle of school and the local shops.
“I’ll give you directions on how to get to the hospital. We’ll use the back route so it’s not busy.”
We didn’t talk much on the drive—Shanti was laser-focused on not making a mistake and I didn’t want to distract her. I gave her simple instructions well ahead of every turn but otherwise stayed silent. Her smile after she parked in the hospital lot was both relieved and proud.
“Good work. Knew you could do it.”
Her smile sparkled in her eyes. “You made me push myself on purpose, Aarav! But thank you.”
I let the assumption go, at the same time slapping myself for my stupid suspicions. Shanti was about as innocent and guileless as it was possible for a grown woman to be. The way I’d begun to look at her . . . with every hour that passed, I saw Dr. Binchy’s concerns ever more clearly.
My stomach clenched.
I was glad Shanti kept up a happy patter as we exited the car and headed toward the hospital building. Since Elei had already given her the ward and room number, we went straight to the elevators.
59
The antiseptic smell that lingers in hospitals, intermingled with the scents of old medications and soft food, it made me grimace. I’d felt so fucking helpless when I’d woken inside walls just like these with no memory of how I’d gotten there.
“This is it.” Shanti pointed to the closed door of a private room with a number seven above the door. No name inside the door label, probably a security precaution while Cora had been at large.
A nurse walked by, her scrubs wrinkled and her stride lagging, but she dug up a smile. “I just saw Alice. She’s awake.”
“Thank you.” Shanti knocked, then cracked open the door. “Alice?” A whisper.
It was Elei who came out from behind the curtain that hung around the bed. “Shanti!”
I slipped around the two women as they hugged and murmured to one another. Alice’s face was badly bruised and puffy, but she managed a half smile when I came around the curtain. “Aarav.” Her voice was clearer than I’d expected, given her extensive wounds.
Noting that the more comfortable armchair had been claimed by Elei, I sat on one of the hard plastic visitor chairs. “Good to see you conscious. What do the doctors say?”
“This