The Program Page 0,53
see that one of his eyes is puffed up. Nurse Kell immediately bristles. “Sloane,” she says. “Return to your room.” Then she takes Realm roughly by the elbow. “We need to see Dr. Warren now,” she hisses.
Realm shrugs at me, almost like an apology, and then lets himself be led down the hall. My heart pounds in my chest as it fills with worry. What if they send him away? Hurt him? Realm is my only friend, and what if they take him from me too?
Just then I notice Roger, still sitting on the floor. When my eyes meet his, he winks, and then gets up to hobble away.
• • •
I wait in the dining room, not touching my food as I sit by myself. They haven’t brought Realm back yet and I’m completely panicking. I haven’t told anyone what I saw, but I heard Derek and the other guys say that Realm punched out a handler and now he’s getting shipped off to another facility. My fingers shake as I try to eat a spoonful of Jell-O.
“Can I sit with you?” Tabitha asks, motioning to the empty chair across from me.
“Oh. Sure.” It’s a chance to see her up close for the first time. She has dyed red hair, but from the roots I imagine it’s naturally dark. Her skin is pale and her eyes are a light hazel. She’s pretty in a really emo sort of way. She sort of reminds me of Lacey—or at least, the old Lacey.
“I see your bandage,” she says, taking the first bite of her food. “Did you try to slit your wrists?”
“Sort of. But I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I was just pissed.”
She laughs. “Yeah, right. So where’s Realm?” she asks, and I suspect it was her real question from the beginning. “He said I could play cards with him today. Oh”—she pauses, smiling—“maybe he’ll let you play too. He’s pretty nice. Cute, too, right?”
I stare at her, trying to see if there are any obvious signs of damage. I’ve never heard of anyone surviving QuikDeath before. Lacey had thought about taking it. She wanted Miller to take it with her.
Wait—Miller. What happened to Miller?
“What’s that look? You don’t think he’s hot?” Tabitha is grinning from ear to ear, but I don’t answer her and instead look down toward my tray.
What the hell happened to Miller? In my mind, it’s like he’s there and then suddenly . . . gone. “Oh my God,” I say. “I can’t remember.”
“Are you okay?” Tabitha asks, sounding frightened. “Should I get the nurse?”
“No,” I say quickly. I stretch my hand out and cover hers. “They’re taking my memories,” I whisper to her. “They’re erasing me.”
She blinks quickly as if she completely understands, but then her eyes glaze over. “Don’t talk like that,” she says pleasantly. “Or you’re going to get us both thrown into a new facility to start over.”
Tabitha abruptly stands, taking her tray with her, and walks away. My hand feels cold on the white table, and I’m shaking. First the ring and now Miller. What else is missing that I can’t find? What’s happening to me?
And suddenly, I know. I know what I have to do if I plan to make it through this. I leave my tray on the table and walk toward the exit doors. I’m almost there when an older handler stops me.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“Bathroom.”
“There’s a bathroom here,” he motions toward the back of the room. I try to think fast.
“No tampons in there.”
He stares me down, as if he can tell if I’m menstruating just by looking at me, and then he waves me out. “Hurry up,” he says before going back to monitoring the room.
I rush out into the hall, not sure where I’ll find him. Desperation is making tears sting my eyes, but I blink them back. I need to be stronger. I need to save myself.
It’s when I pass the supply closet that I see him and skid to a stop, sliding in my slipper socks. Disgust twists in my stomach as I watch him counting off rolls of toilet paper and then marking the number on a clipboard. When he notices me, he smiles.
“Hello, Miss Barstow. Can I help you with something?”
“Yes, Roger.” I nearly choke on his name. “I guess you can.”
• • •
Roger locks up the supply closet and leads me back to my room, smiling the entire way, even humming a song. I can barely push myself forward,