somehow missed that your own apprentice is stupidly in love with you.”
When Castien said nothing, Eridan took it as confirmation.
He nodded to himself, his chest aching. Or perhaps it was his foolish heart.
“Do it,” he said through the lump in his throat. “Don’t worry, I recorded a message for my brother, so he would know that you just did as I requested. He won’t blame you.”
Castien looked away, his jaw working. Despite the raised shields on both ends of their bond, Eridan could sense some dark, unpleasant emotion, something ugly and poisonous. No, that feeling said, but Castien remained silent.
“Please,” Eridan said, looking at his profile. “If you ever cared for me even a little. Grant me this one kindness. I want to move on with my life.”
The darkness in their bond went away. In its stead, there was another emotion, heavy and grim.
Castien closed his eyes for a moment before saying, “Very well.”
Eridan’s vision swam as he finally lost his battle against the tears. There had been a part of him, an irrational, foolish part that had hoped Castien would tell him that he loved him back. Stupid. So fucking stupid. At least soon he would no longer remember how stupid he was.
The thought failed to bring him comfort.
He stared greedily at his Master’s face through his blurring vision, as if trying to imprint it into his memory. No matter what his rational side said, there was a part of him that didn’t want to let go. That part of him wanted to cling to his Master, kiss him until there was no air left in his lungs, and beg him to take him home.
No. This was for the best. This toxic unrequited love would only hold him back, prevent him from enjoying his life to its fullest. He wanted to learn what it felt like to love and to be loved back. He wanted to have children with the person he loved. He wanted to feel like he was someone’s world, not beg for crumbs of affection. He wanted to love a man and grow old with him, feeling loved and cherished.
If his memories of his Master were erased, the thought of that man being someone other than Castien would stop making him nauseated. He would simply forget. He would simply not know. He would simply not know what it felt like to crave this man inside him in every possible way, what it felt like to live for his approval and attention.
And when Castien eventually officiated his wedding to another man, Eridan’s heart wouldn’t hurt—he wouldn’t even know that the Grandmaster of the High Hronthar had been his first, hopeless love.
It would be all right.
Everything would be all right, even though right now he felt like throwing up.
This was the right decision.
It was.
“It will be better if you are unconscious for the procedure,” Castien said, his voice slightly clipped. “I’ll have to remove the mind traps in your mind first.”
Eridan nodded.
Castien gestured to the couch, and Eridan moved toward it and lay down.
His Master knelt beside him, and then there was a hand on his telepathic point, making him tremble uncontrollably with need.
“Open your mind to me,” Castien said. “Drop your shields completely.”
Eridan did as he was told. He wasn’t afraid. Even after everything, he trusted him. The realization was bittersweet as they stared at each other, a Master and an apprentice, one last time.
Sleep.
He felt a sudden heaviness in his eyes and slowly, very slowly he shut his eyes.
The last thing he saw before sleep claimed him was Castien’s blue eyes.
Were they glistening?
And then everything was black.
***
He woke up slowly, feeling sluggish and disoriented.
He also had a bad headache.
Eridan opened his eyes and slowly sat up, groaning miserably when it made the headache worse. Fuck. What was wrong with him?
“Are you all right?”
He turned toward the low voice.
There was a tall man standing by the window wearing the black robes that denoted him as a Master of the High Hronthar. His face was… vaguely familiar in a way one would remember something from a dream. Eridan didn’t recognize him.
He frowned, confused, and got to his feet. “Who are you?”
Although the man’s face remained unreadable, something about his telepathic presence changed. It… dimmed.
The man just stared at him for a long moment, his very blue eyes roaming over Eridan’s face with a strange, intense expression, before he said in a terse voice, “No one.” He strode toward the door.
Utterly confused, Eridan blocked his path. “Wait,” he said