The Price of Inertia (The Seven Sins #4) - Lily Zante Page 0,37
Now, as I feed my mother, I realize that in the space of a year, the woman I have looked up to all my life, the one I have gone to with my problems and whose advice I have sought, whose shoulder I have cried on, this woman has reverted back in age and time. Now she is more childlike than mom like. I have become the carer, where once I was cared for.
Once upon a time I would have cried on her shoulder and told her about all the ills that had befallen me. I would have told her about Dale and how I lost my job. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her how he broke my heart, but now I can’t. She’ll never know. She doesn’t need to know.
It’s not her problem.
It’s mine and it hurts. Not Dale and what he did to me, but the sharp and painful understanding that I don’t have a mom I can go to anymore. I never realized there was a lease on this contract.
When I leave Maplewood, I am heartbroken all over again.
Meeting Jamie turns out to be the highlight of my day. My week even. As I sit across the table from him, in a restaurant that is a little too dimly lit for my liking, I see couples everywhere.
Who else would be here on a Saturday night?
I assumed he would pick the local Greek restaurant where we used to get our lunchtime take outs from at the end of the month in small celebration of getting our pay checks. He’s picked the upscale Italian restaurant where Dale I came on our last anniversary.
“Why did we come here?” I ask, looking at the Italian menu for the fifth time and I’m still not able to decide what I want. I never could because the food here is so good. Dale used to tell me to order everything. At the Greek place it would have been a no brainer. I wish we’d gone there instead, not just because it has no bad memories, but because of the familiarity. There is comfort in older things.
“I thought we’d try somewhere new. Why? Don’t you like it?”
“I came here with Dale not so long ago.”
Jamie looks sheepish. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”
I shake my head. “Why would you?”
“This place must be full of bad memories.”
I shrug. A lot of places were, in the early days. Being in Ward’s house has been like having a clean slate. It’s a small thing to be grateful for.
“We can go someplace else,” he offers again.
“We can stay here. I’m over him.”
“Are you really over him?” Jamie asks.
“Yes. We’ll stay here.” I can’t avoid places just because Dale and I went there. I have to erase those memories and create new ones.
He clears his throat. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this—” I look up because he sounds so nervous. It’s not like him.
“Saying what?”
“That next time you don’t rush head first into something.”
“Into something?”
“Make a mistake. Go off with the first man you meet.”
I cough out loud, almost choking, because I can’t believe he said that. “Jamie!”
“We’ve been friends a long time,” he says, looking even more nervous than he sounds. “I hate seeing you upset, Mari.”
I look up. I’m not sure why he felt he needed to give me that advice. Jamie is being different around me. Our friendship used to be easy-going. Jokey. We’d talk about work, and the boss, and some up-their-asses difficult customers that we could bitch about out of earshot. Now there are none of those things to talk about.
It feels a little awkward, and it shouldn’t. I get that he’s lonely too ever since he split up with his girlfriend. But he’s also always been there for me. I close my eyes and breathe in.
He’s also right.
I met Dale at a club. We had sex the same night. I barely knew a thing about him. He was rebound sex after I split up with a guy who dumped me days before my birthday. I met him at a restaurant, where we were celebrating a friend’s engagement.
What he’s saying isn’t wrong. He’s simply looking out for me. I ask him if he’s heard back from his girlfriend ever since they split. It was months ago, before Dale and I split. “I don’t want to talk about her,” he says stiffly, then holds up the menu so I can’t see his face.