him for a ride when you’re ready to leave. I’ll stop by tonight. Dinner’s on me.
Love,
Guy
Love? I picked up the pile of gats that had been left near the note and studied them. Then I took Guy’s suggestion to call Eberhardt and go shopping. At noon, we stopped for lunch.
I wasn’t very hungry, so I picked at my salad while Eberhardt enjoyed a triple-decker sandwich. He hadn’t said much today, so I began. One of us had to.
“Thank you.”
He waved his hand. “It’s nothing. I drive Guy around all the time.”
“No, I mean thank you for everything else. For being my backup, for saving my life, for pulling me out of the bushes that night, and for that thing you’re not admitting to.” I sighed. “How can I ever repay you?”
He looked up in surprise. “You’ve got it all wrong. You don’t owe me anything. This is my way of paying off my debt.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
“I owe them: my wife, my children. When they needed me, I wasn’t there.” He set down his sandwich. “The people who did this to me.” He indicated his scar. “They went after my family to get to me. Someone within the ranks…someone told them when I’d be gone. They went after my family when I was on a mission. I wasn’t there to protect them. My children are gone now. They didn’t survive the attack. My wife…well, everything I earn goes to pay for her care, but it isn’t enough. It’s never enough! That’s why I helped you. That’s why I do what I do. You don’t owe me anything.”
***
That evening, I sat on the sofa and waited for Guy. I began to sing quietly:
Yes, it’s only a canvas sky
Hanging over a muslin tree
But it wouldn’t be make-believe
If you believed in me.
I was willing to open up and try this wholeheartedly. Guy had helped Eberhardt when he was in a tough spot. He’d helped many others too, I was sure of it. Who is Guy Bensen? How is it that he’s always giving, without expecting anything in return? Could I ever be that selfless? I realized then that Guy might be able to help me answer the question I’d been asking for so long. Who do I want to be?
-April-
A Dark Secret
Mrs. Beckett asked me to polish the windows in the sitting room today. It was another bright and sunny day, which meant I’d have to be careful or streaks would be noticed. As I worked, I watched Ashton pace back and forth across the side lawn with the push mower.
I’d heard somewhere that people used to ride mowers. It must have been nice when techno like that was available to everyone. I bet the Becketts could afford to have a riding lawn mower that worked, but they’d never allow their servants to have access to techno like that! I tried to think of a good excuse to go talk to Ashton.
I finished quickly and hurriedly put away the supplies, eager to get outside. That’s when the butler approached.
“Mr. Beckett requests your presence in the study.”
“Am I to bring anything?”
He shook his head, no. My sunny day clouded over. When Lance Beckett called for me, I never knew what to expect. Sometimes he wanted me for a simple cleaning job and other times… I felt a knot tighten in my stomach.
Today, it was as I’d feared. The master of the house was stressed. It was as simple as that. As he undid his zipper, I bit the inside of my cheek and willed myself not to cry. Over Mr. Beckett’s shoulder, I could see Ashton mowing the back lawn. Could he be my ticket out of this madness? I closed my eyes and pretended I simply didn’t exist. After what felt like forever, Mr. Beckett dismissed me.
I retired to the servants’ quarters in the basement and curled up on my bed. I hated my secret. I wondered if Scott’s secrets were as dark as mine. What about Keira? I knew she had secrets too. Some had even left visible scars.
I never made it outside to talk to Ashton that afternoon. I didn’t feel like talking with anyone. Later, I was called to the kitchen to clean up after dinner. As usual, Lewis had prepared a plate of food for me. I thanked him but couldn’t eat. I began the dishes while Lewis leaned back in his chair and pretended to read a magazine. I knew he just enjoyed watching me.