Pretty Sweet - Christina Lee Page 0,66

ways. “But I was scared. I had a bad experience when I was a teenager. He tried to manipulate me into doing things I wasn’t ready for. When I didn’t, he was mean to me afterward and made me feel like…I don’t know. Like I was broken or wouldn’t ever be good at sex. I was scared it would make me feel like I had no control, like I did that time, or that whoever I tried to hook up with would somehow confirm what he’d said about me. That made me lock these things up—the sex stuff.” That didn’t include all the ways my mom and her sheltering had changed me, the way she made me feel like the person I was inside wasn’t enough. “Being with Jake has taken the lid off that. Maybe not all the way, but at least cracked it, and now I’m starting to escape. Like he’s helping me own these things, and it makes me feel…well, like I said—empowered.”

“Which is great, but as awesome as Jake seems to be, let’s not give him all the credit, okay? You’re pretty damn strong on your own. You’ve never let yourself see it, and maybe no one but me ever told you before. But you are, and with or without Jake, you would have gotten there.”

I nodded, even though I wasn’t so sure about that. “I really, really like him, Jess. He makes me feel safe. Is that how Dane makes you feel?”

Jesse reached over and drew circles on my jeans with the tip of his finger. “Yeah, among other things. He makes me feel safe and loved and accepted. Strong, sexy. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty fucking good at sucking dick too.”

I laughed because this was Jesse, so of course he had to go there.

“You’re in love with him?” he asked.

I was quiet, my thoughts spinning. I thought about how Jake made me feel, and the way he looked at me, and how it felt to be in his arms. How my pulse sped up when we were together. About his kindness and his big heart and his steady support. “Maybe. If I’m not already, I very easily could be.”

“Good. You deserve that. Just make sure you know that no matter what, your worth and strength don’t lie in him, okay?”

“Jake would never make me feel that way.”

“I’m not talking about Jake. I’m talking about you.”

I didn’t do that, did I? I didn’t think so, but Jesse was good at this. He was good at seeing things in me that no one else did.

It was he who broke the silence again. “So this blowjob. Has he returned the favor? Because it’s really fucking good on the other side of it too.” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

“Oh my God. Shut up. I’m not doing this with you. But, real talk, I can’t wait to do it again.”

“My best friend is a sex fiend!” Jesse teased, and we giggled together.

“Takes one to know one.”

“Your point?” he asked, then, “Wanna cuddle?”

I thought for a moment. I never turned Jesse down when he offered that to me, but sitting there with him then, I realized I didn’t need it. Not that I didn’t appreciate it or want to be close to him, but… “No. I’m okay.” Jesse sat up and looked at me intensely, then smiled, and I saw what seemed like pride in his gaze. “What?” I asked, shifting uncomfortably.

“I think you’re better than okay.”

I rolled my eyes, but truthfully, Jesse was right. I was better than I had ever been. Still, I teased, “Nah, you’re just too twinky for me now. I’m used to a broad, hairy chest.” God, I loved Jake’s chest.

“First, your eyes just rolled back in your head. He must be good. Second, you’re twinkier than me, and there is nothing wrong with that. Twinks are fucking awesome.”

Yeah, yeah we were.

“What do you want to do?”

“I think…” I hesitated, then, “I want you to do my makeup. Then I want to go down to the beauty school and get some information.” My heart went crazy, and my skin started to tingle.

“No shit?” Jesse shoved to his feet, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up. “Let’s go before you change your mind!”

“I’m not saying I’m going,” I rushed out. I couldn’t. Mom would lose her shit. I probably wouldn’t be very good at it anyway. “I’m sure I won’t go to cosmetology school. I’m almost done with—”

“With something you hate, Seth.