Pretty Sweet - Christina Lee Page 0,65

was the extent of it, and even then, I’d sworn him to secrecy. I didn’t want my dad to get wind of it and for anything to happen to my mom. It wasn’t until we were adults that I’d confessed more, and recounting any of it had been painful, so I felt guilty asking Seth now. “Sorry, I—”

“My mom and dad used to have these barbecues,” he murmured, and I let out the breath I’d been holding. “And we’d invite all our friends. It was laid-back and a lot of fun, which was so unusual for Mom. She has a hard time letting go, and as crazy as it sounds, sometimes it’s as if something like a barbecue is too simple for her. But those nights, it was similar to the lake. I think she would forget she wasn’t supposed to enjoy it, forget that she didn’t like to let herself feel. We’d light a bonfire at night and do s’mores and sparklers, and I dunno, those are some of the best memories I have, I guess.”

I imagined how different his childhood must’ve been with his father around, and I ached for him, for his devastating loss, and found myself grieving in a different way. “Then we should have a barbecue and invite all our friends.”

His gaze shifted to mine, his eyes wide with awe. “Really?”

“Really,” I replied with a peck to his nose. “I have a backyard that needs to be used more often.”

“Sounds perfect.” He laid his head on my chest, and I felt him smile into my skin.

25

Seth

“You can’t stop smiling,” Jesse said as we sat on my couch. He was right, and I didn’t even try to hide it. I wasn’t sure I could if I wanted to.

“That’s because I’m happy.”

Jesse shot forward, going from relaxing against the back of the sofa to sitting up. “I recognize that look. It’s a sex-drunk look. Spill.”

This was me, so of course my stupid cheeks flushed with heat. “A gentleman never tells,” I teased, but really I wanted to. Jesse had shared so much with me over the years, and I was bursting at the seams to be able to do the same. The other night with Jake had been…it had been incredible. It was like I was still living through the experience, like it gave me an extra bounce in my step and made me hold my head up higher. Maybe that was stupid, but it was how I felt.

“Well, since neither of us is a gentleman, there’s no problem there.” He playfully swatted my thigh. “Seriously, though, you don’t have to. I just… It feels good to see you like this. You’re coming out of your shell.”

I really, truly was. I felt like a different Seth, or at least that I was becoming one. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but I wouldn’t. Still, I couldn’t help but tell Jesse, “I’m apparently very good at blowjobs.”

His eyes widened. I knew it wasn’t a big deal for him. Jesse had done everything and done it long before I did, but he never made me feel weird about my lack of experience.

“You slut!” he teased, and I chuckled. Then he sobered. “You know that’s okay, right? To be really good at BJs, or to really fucking like giving them. I love giving head. It’s—”

“Empowering,” I cut him off. When Colton had tried to force me, I’d had no power in the situation. I’d taken that back, that control, and it did make me feel strong.

“It can be, for sure.”

I paused for a moment, teased the seam on the couch that I hated and that wasn’t my taste at all. “I feel like I’m starting to take parts of my life back, if that makes sense. Or not even taking it back, because I never allowed myself to have it, but I’m claiming it now. I know that probably sounds ridiculous when we’re talking about sex, but that’s only a part of it. I’ve…well, I’ve always been a sexual person.” I chanced a glance at him, and of course there was no judgment there.

“I know you have.” Jesse sat back again, this time leaning his head against my shoulder. “I always wanted that for you because I knew you wanted it. That’s why I always shared that stuff with you.”

“I know, and I’d always wanted what you had, the confidence to be sexual. It’s why I kept asking for your stories.” Jesse had continually supported me in different