He dipped his head and murmured a thanks, and I wanted to reach for him, wrap him in my arms, and say even more. Wow, I was having a moment tonight. Apparently, a lot of moments.
“Is this place a bit much for you?” he asked, and suddenly I realized that it wasn’t like he could read my confusing thoughts and how much it took for me to work myself up to come here. All because of him. He thought I was this new straight friend he’d met through his mother and that I’d come to see his set out of some obligation or kindness or boredom.
“Nah, all good,” I replied as Dane came over to hand him an ice water and Seth took a long swig. I couldn’t help staring at his profile. The lashes and lips and hat totally worked for him.
“What?” he asked, his eyes wide as his gaze met mine.
“Huh?” Had I said something out loud?
“You’re staring at me. Do I look too weird? Jesse did my makeup, and I told him to not go heavy on the—”
“I love it. You look, fuck…so amazing.”
“I do?” He averted his eyes, a deep flush striping his cheeks.
“Absolutely.”
“Thank you,” he said, but he still had trouble looking at me. I wanted to reach for his chin and turn his jaw in my direction, but I also didn’t want to freak him out. “Well, I gotta get back for the second set. Will you… I mean…”
“I’ll stay.” I leaned toward him. “If you want me to.”
“I do. I really, really do,” he replied in a thick voice, then headed back to the stage, where he whispered excitedly in Jesse’s ear before taking a deep breath and sitting down in front of the piano, calm and poised again.
13
Seth
I couldn’t believe Jake had come. I’d wished he would, of course, but tried not to get my hopes up. Now that he was there, I was nervous and trying not to screw up playing the piano while feeling his hot stare on me. And God, when he’d said I looked awesome, I’d nearly died. While I loved makeup, I never gave myself the kind of looks Jesse did, so I’d been insecure about it. I could look at it on others and think it was gorgeous, yet sometimes I felt like a fraud when it was on me, like I was trying too hard, but then…it made me feel pretty too. And while Jesse was good at wearing short skirts or shorts, I always wore a full outfit, and still did tonight. I wasn’t as confident as he was.
Every few minutes, I would toss a look over my shoulder at Jake. Sometimes he was talking to Dane, but most of the time he was watching me, this wonder on his face that made my insides all twisty. God, he was so sexy. I wanted him. Wanted him to do the kind of sexy things to me that Jesse told me about, but those things scared me too. What if I froze in the middle of it? What if I led him on, or thought we wanted the same things when we didn’t, or thought he liked me when I was just convenient to him?
The night seemed to drag on. When we took one of our breaks, Jesse sneaked over to me and knelt by my bench.
“Dude. What’s going on with you and Jake the Hottie?”
I rolled my eyes. “Nothing.”
“Oh, okay. Tell that to the way you’re blushing, the ridiculous smile you’ve had all night, and the way he looks like it physically pains him if he has to pull his eyes away from you.”
I glanced over, and Jake was looking our way. He gave me a smile before turning to Dane again. Could Jesse be right? No…I couldn’t imagine it. “We’re friends. That’s all. And as far as I know, he’s straight. Even if he wasn’t—”
“Stop. Right there. I don’t even want to know what you were gonna say. You’re gorgeous and sweet, and any guy would be lucky to have you. Jake would. It’s okay to want someone, Seth. It’s okay not to, as well, but if you do, you deserve it, ya know? Let that big boy ravage you!” He said the last part dramatically but quietly.
As much as it made my insides heat with desire, it also made me think about things I didn’t want to think about. “He doesn’t want to do anything to me.”