spears with the points facing the water.
“Now what?” I asked.
“We wait for the water to clear.”
“All right. Let the thrillfest begin.”
We stood there without speaking for a moment, as if silence would cause the muck to settle faster.
“So, do we just sort of stand here until a fish swims by?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you even know if there are fish in this pond?”
“There are. I’ve seen them jump.”
I was quiet for a long moment.
“We don’t stand a chance in hell of catching a fish, do we?”
“I wouldn’t think so. Not standing knee-deep in a mucky pond with a couple of sticks.”
“And why exactly are we doing this?”
“When you woke up this morning, did you think you’d wind up going spearfishing?”
“No.”
“Then that’s reason enough.”
I thought about that, and then broke into laughter.
“What else would you have done today?” Darren asked. “You would have watched a movie or two, wandered around campus, looked at some of your roommate’s freaky pictures, pretended to study, and gone to bed. By Monday, the whole day would be gone from your memory. But instead you’re here with me, and I guarantee you that ten years from now you’re going to remember the time you stood in a pond with a stupid fake spear looking like an absolute ass.”
Now my laughter was getting out of control, and I had to jam the spear into the pond floor to keep from topping over as my body shook.
“You’re disrupting the water!” Darren exclaimed. “The fish are gonna escape!”
For reasons that I couldn’t even fathom, that made me laugh harder. I wiped a tear from my eye and lifted the spear out of the water. “Look! I caught some slime!”
“Hurrah! We’ll eat well tonight, my friend!” Darren shoved his own spear into the ground and scooped up some black sludge. “I’ve caught some, too! The gods are smiling upon us this day!”
With a flick of his wrist, Darren sent the sludge flying at me. It wasn’t a direct facial hit as was no doubt intended, but it splattered all over my shoulder.
“Sorry,” said Darren. “Muscle spasm.”
“That’s okay,” I assured him, bending down. “I have no intention whatsoever of retaliating. I’m just going to reach down into the water for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with revenge and get myself a nice, gooey handful of pond glop.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Okay, here we go. I’ve now retrieved a huge handful of slime in an action that in no way is related to anything having any connection to vengeance.” I flung the muck at Darren, who dodged just in time. “Damn.”
Instantly we both threw our spears aside and crouched down, scooping up as much pond glop as possible. And then the missiles flew. It wasn’t long before Darren had several blobs stuck to his chest, arms, and legs, and I found myself almost completely coated.
“All right, all right,” I said, spitting out a particularly flavorful mouthful. “Truce.”
“No truce. But I’ll help you get cleaned up.”
Darren rushed at me, arms outstretched. I tried to grab some muck off my shirt to throw for a vicious close-range hit, but didn’t make it in time. I let out a loud grunt as Darren tackled me and we both splashed into the water. I prepared to wrestle myself to freedom, but Darren backed off, allowing me time to sit up.
“Do you surrender?” Darren asked.
“You got my wallet all wet.”
“You’re a college student. There was nothing in it anyway. Do you surrender?”
“How about…no!”
“Fine. I hope you’re hungry for pond scum!”
My fearsome opponent charged, and I nailed him point-blank in the face with a previously hidden handful of muck. Darren cursed, threw his hands up against his face, and stumbled backward.
“Are you okay?” I asked, genuinely concerned, although I also scooped up some more ammunition in case he was faking it.
Darren nodded through his hands.
“Did I get you in the eye?”
“Your clump had a rock.”
“Oh, jeez, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!”
Darren lowered his hands, revealing a small red mark. “It’s okay. No big deal.” Then he gave me a wicked grin. “Except that you’re seconds away from gaining about fifty pounds in pure pond crap.”
The battle raged again.
I lost. Big-time.
By dunking ourselves underneath the water a few times, we managed to get mostly cleaned up. I had some mud deep in my ear that I couldn’t quite manage to get out and which I explained to Darren would probably later cause me severe hearing problems and ultimately death. Darren told me to quit being such a pansy and to