Power Play - Brittney Mulliner Page 0,44

closed.

“This is––” she started at the same time I got out, “Thanks for––”

We both stopped. I nodded to her, and she pursed her lips. “I was just going to say, this isn’t necessary. You don’t have to go out of your way to be nice to me just because I work for the team now.”

“And I was going to say, thank you for agreeing to go. I know you probably didn’t want to.”

She sighed and slowly grinned. “I don’t want things to be awkward between us, but at the same time, we don’t have to pretend like we still know each other. It’s been four years.”

I was well aware of how long it had been. “It wasn’t easy for me, you know.”

The elevator stopped at the garage, and we headed to my car.

“What wasn’t?” she asked while looking around, and I realized she didn’t know which one was mine. I led her to my Lexus sedan and opened the passenger door. It wasn’t the fanciest car among the team, but it was my dream growing up and the first big purchase I made once I got to Salt Lake.

“Walking away. Leaving you.” I shut the door and walked around to the driver’s side, pausing and taking in a deep breath before getting in. I started the engine, but when I went to put the car in reverse, she put her hand over mine.

“If we’re going to do this, I would prefer that you weren’t driving.” Her eyes seemed to plead with me to stop.

I hadn’t meant for this to turn into something deep. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have even asked her to come out with me. It was too late. We couldn’t avoid this.

“We talked in Raleigh,” Taylor said “Things are fine between us, but we need to decide if we’re going to go on like everything is normal and we’re just two people that knew each other, or if we’re going to hash things out.”

Neither option felt right. I couldn’t keep up the vague pleasantries, but I didn’t necessarily want to dig up everything either. “What do you want?”

She let out a humorless chuckle. “Oh no, Jason. You don’t get to worry about that now.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“It’s always been your world. Whatever you wanted, when you wanted it. I just held on and hoped you would include me in that, and for a while you did.”

Until I left.

“So, I guess we’re doing this.” I shook my head. “I was eighteen, Taylor.”

“Me too.” Her eyes glistened. “We were both just kids, but things were real.”

Things. That’s how she summed everything up?

“I didn’t know what to do. I was on my own there.”

She frowned. “So, you just left.”

“I was scared, hurt, broken.” I rubbed my hand over my face. “You were shattered, and I didn’t know how to put you back together. I thought I already lost you.”

“So, you just left,” she repeated with a tiny nod.

“I didn’t know how to grieve. I didn’t know how to handle the pain when you were … I didn’t know how to process and be there for you. I didn’t know how to help you.”

She leaned against the door, facing me. “I just needed you there. All I ever wanted or needed was for you to be there.”

I closed my eyes.

I’d run away back then. I claimed I wanted to go home to graduate in Canada, but I couldn’t care less about that. I just needed to get away. I needed my parents. I needed to be a child for a few months. I couldn’t be the one in charge. I was too young. Too immature to be the one she needed.

It was the most selfish thing I’d ever done. It was my biggest regret. The unspeakable boulder that crushed me silently every single day for four years. I never healed from it, and seeing the pain in her face, she didn’t either.

“We lost so much and then I lost you.” Her voice cracked. “I needed you, Jason.”

I opened my eyes and nearly shattered at the tears streaking her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Taylor. I will be sorry for the rest of my life.”

Her hand clutched her shirt over her heart. “How could you leave me?”

“I didn’t know what else to do,” I whispered the truth.

“I never wanted to see you again.” There was no anger or malice left in her words. She sounded exhausted. “I never wanted to have to think about it, but now I’m here.