him how he identifies. Not that it matters either way. I just wasn’t expecting—
Brix laughs. “I was fifteen. We were both army brats and lived in military housing. It was fucking awkward, but the last puzzle piece fell into place. Her dad was transferred not long afterward, which was good, because I got out of the whole ‘So, it turns out, I’m gay’ conversation with her.”
“Do your parents know?”
“Mom died when I was little, so I was raised by my dad, who was always the big, macho, military man. It wasn’t really a secret while I was serving, so it’s possible my commanding officers who knew him said something, but I’d like to think he never brought it up with me because he wasn’t aware of it and not because he wanted to pretend it wasn’t true.”
“I understand. Not telling him, I mean. I never told my mom. And until that radio DJ, I was a bit like you. Still in denial. I’d kissed girls on tour that first year, but our handlers back then made it easy to not take it further. The other guys would have parties in their rooms with girls, and our handlers would look the other way, but I was always the good boy. I knew I was attracted to guys, but it wasn’t until the DJ that I was like, ‘Oh, okay, I’m really into dudes.’”
“And you’ve seriously only been with two guys?”
“Three now.” I smile at him, but he doesn’t return my amusement. “It was too risky to hook up.”
Brix sits up so we’re face to face. “Okay, I still don’t get it, and I know I said I wouldn’t ask why, and I guess I’m not asking you why, but asking why in general. Why can’t you come out when there are other gay artists out there?”
And this just turned even heavier.
I groan. “I will never admit to saying this, so once it’s out there, I’m going to deny, deny, deny. Are you ready for it? Boy bands produce crappy and shallow music. There, I said it.”
Brix laughs. Hard. “You’re not exactly spilling top secret intelligence there, Pop Star.”
“Right, but how does it hit number one constantly? Because of the mania and the hype. They’re catchy songs you get stuck in your head, and teenage girls love that. Not only did our contracts state that we couldn’t come out, they also stated if we had girlfriends, we couldn’t make it public knowledge. Do you know how much hate mail Evah got for being engaged to me?”
“I read that in your file.”
“It’s the fandom of it all. I’m trying to break away from all that, but the label has a point when they say change can’t happen quickly. If the boy band image and persona they’d built for seven years changes suddenly, I could lose everything. Like Mason. His solo album tanked because he didn’t re-sign with Joystar when we got out of our contracts. He went with someone who let him produce his own new sound, and it was a sound our Eleven fans didn’t like. No new people were picking it up, because no matter what, we still have to fight the boy band stigma most grown-ups believe, which is that we’re untalented and hiding behind an image.”
“You are hiding behind an image, though.”
A shiver runs through me, and it’s not from the breeze coming off the water. Brix isn’t saying anything I don’t already know, but it leaves me cold anyway.
“We might be pigeonholed into a certain image, but we’re not untalented. Those four other guys are some of the best musicians in the entire world. People can’t get past the boy band thing.”
Brix averts his gaze. “This might shock you, but … I’m one of those people. Or I was, until I started working for you.”
“No shit,” I say dryly.
“I told Iris it was sad he knew so much about you. He tried to tell me you were a legit artist, but all I could see was bad dance moves and shitty lyrics.”
I should be offended, but I’m not. Because that’s how it is when you’re in a boy band. It’s hard to break away from that mold. “Man, I’m fucking the wrong bodyguard. Iris thinks I’m a legit artist? Iris?”
Brix scowls. “Just so you know, if you were fucking your other bodyguard, this bodyguard would have something to say about that.” He points to himself.
“Is that so?”
“Yup. And if we weren’t in public right now, I’d totally kiss