I served post-DADT, but it’s still terrifying to come out to men who are supposed to be your brothers knowing any one of them could turn their back on you in a combat situation.
Knowing Harley can’t hear us because his foot taps on the floor of the plane while he listens to music, I lean across the small table between Jamie and me. “Does he always get like this before flying, or is this more about what’s waiting for us on the other side of this flight?”
“What’s on the other side of this flight?” She pouts innocently.
I smile. “Your coy act is good, sweetheart, but I know that Harley and Jay had a thing. And I know you know about it too.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, no, this isn’t a flying issue. It’s definitely a Jay issue.”
Not really what I wanted to hear, but it’s to be expected.
“Does he still have a thing for him?”
She glances over at Harley and bites her lip. “I don’t think so. He has a lot of regret when it comes to Jay. They knew they couldn’t be together but kept seeing each other anyway. I know he wishes he could take that back. It dragged out the inevitable and hurt them both.”
My chest twinges for him.
That’s not entirely different than what happened with us. We both know we shouldn’t have hooked up, but we did it anyway. If we’re not careful, and I can’t get my stupid attraction to him under control, it would be easy to fall into a similar pattern.
Which is why I need to stay strong. Not just for my job but for Harley.
When we arrive in New York, we go straight to the hotel where paparazzi and fans are already gathering outside. It’s crazy.
We only have enough time to go up to the room and for Harley to shower and get pretty for his talk show appearance.
Like the court date, we have a chauffeured car so I can be with Harley at all times.
Outside the studio is quieter than the ones in LA, so that’s something, but in the entire time I’ve worked for Harley, I think this is the longest he’s gone without saying a full sentence to me.
When I ask him anything, he grunts one-word answers. When I pointed out how cool it is the suite has a hot tub, he gave me his publicity smile.
I want to ask if he’s okay, but I think I should pull back a bit. I’m dying to help him and want him to lean on me, but maybe that’s what we should be avoiding.
I’m his shadow from the moment we arrive at the studio to the second he goes onstage in front of the cameras.
Watching him answer interview questions with his Harley Valentine charm, I’m amazed how he transforms in front of an audience. From quiet and reserved to charismatic and laughing, the switch is easy for him. Years of being coached on how to speak and act have turned him into a robot.
Everyone right now would be thinking Harley has his shit together, when I know that he’s faking every single second out there.
When he’s asked about the stalker situation, he plays it off like it wasn’t a big deal and it was a misunderstanding.
“That ended with a fan breaking into your house?”
Harley changes the subject by going to his default answer. “I’m just glad Evah wasn’t there.”
He’s had this interview a few times now. Something I didn’t know about these talk shows is they have scripts and prompts they need to follow. Harley knows what he’s going to be asked, and the host knows how he’s going to answer. It’s up to them to make it sound natural like they’re having a normal conversation.
The ever-professional and caring Harley has always turned this story on its head and made it about Evah and her brand or himself and the upcoming album he has yet to record.
“Do you have plans here in New York?” the host asks.
“Not many,” Harley says breezily. “I’m in the middle of writing songs for my next album, so I’m out here looking for some inspiration.”
“So you’re not out here because of the rumors?”
It’s brief and covered quickly, but I see it—the fear in Harley’s eyes as if the show has worked out his secret and has put him on the spot right now in front of an audience, because this question doesn’t follow the usual script.
“What rumors would those be?” He pulls off the coy act