Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,77
happens. One day you’re living one life. The next, you have this little human depending on you and suddenly all your priorities shift.”
“I’m honestly still trying to wrap my head around all of it.”
“So what about the girl… Oakley. Are you two a thing? I know you’ve been staying with her.”
“Yeah.” I shuffle my feet. “I guess you could say we are. Or at least, we’re trying to be. So much shit has happened. It’s kind of hard to erase everything I put us through and pick up where we left off.”
“You shouldn’t be trying to pick up where you left off. You’re sober now, and a father. Life is different. Therefore your relationship is bound to be different too.”
“Yeah, that’s true. I just really don’t want to let her down. Either of them.”
“Then don’t.”
“You say that like it’s so simple.”
“Nothing is simple. But if you want it bad enough, you can do it. Hell, we’re both proof of that.”
“I wish my brother was here.”
“Me too, man.” He clasps me on the shoulder. “Me too. Hell, he’d be giving you so much shit right now.” He chuckles.
“Yeah, he would.” I smile in spite of the pit in my stomach.
“I know it’s not the same, but if you ever need to get some shit off your chest, outside of a meeting, I’m here. Whatever you need.”
“I appreciate that, Mike. Thank you.”
He nods. “Well, I guess I should get back to it. You enjoy dinner with your little lady tonight.”
“Oh I will.” I smile, watching him turn and head to the opposite end of the garage.
I turn my attention back to the car I’m working on but my focus is shit. I’m so anxious and excited about tonight that I feel like I’m about to crawl my way out of my own skin.
This will be the first time I’ve actually shared a meal with Oakley in years. God, I can’t even remember the last time we sat across a table from each other. And knowing Ellie will be joining us makes it that much fucking sweeter.
My two girls. Cooking me dinner. Fuck, my heart is so full it feels like it might explode at any moment.
I know we have a long road ahead of us. And Oakley has been very upfront about how slow she wants to take all this. And I’m okay with that. Don’t get me wrong, a part of me wants to propose marriage and move in with her tomorrow because I can’t wait to start this new chapter of our lives together. But I know it’s not that simple.
I hurt Oakley and I can still see it when she looks at me. She’s scared I’m going to do it again. And I can’t blame her. The only way I can curb her fear is by showing her that she has nothing to worry about. And the way I do that is by staying sober.
I swear I’m so fucking determined right now that even if someone prepped a needle for me and stuck it into my arm, I don’t think I’d push the drug in. I have too much to live for now. A woman that I’ve loved over half my life. A daughter who, in the short time I’ve known her, has completely changed my world. And the possibility of a future I never thought I’d get.
Sometimes you just have to find the right perspective. Sure, I could have used Tommy’s death as an excuse to slip. I could have allowed the darkness I felt, and still feel, take me under. How easy it would have been to lose myself to the high. To feel that familiar burn in my veins. But how could I do that when the thing I once craved so intensely is the thing that stole my brother from this earth?
At first it was for Oakley. Then it was for Tommy. Now it’s for the both of them, and my daughter.
Sobriety is a choice. And today, I choose to live my life of sound mind and body. I choose to kiss the girl I love and feel the softness of her lips rather than the numbness of the drugs. I choose to watch my daughter with clear vision and a full heart.
I choose this life.
And I’ll continue to choose this life until the day my heart stops beating.
It’s not just a promise to them anymore. It’s a promise to myself. And it’s a promise I have absolutely no intention of ever breaking.
Chapter Twenty-Five
OAKLEY
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