Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,59
don’t think I’d survive it.” There’s so much desperation in his voice that all my anger melts away.
“I’m not going to leave you.” I reach out, taking his face into my hands. “I love you, Jace. I love you so much that it hurts. But I won’t be made a fool of. No more lying. And no more drugs. Promise me now.”
“I promise.” He reaches up, settling his hands over mine which are still resting on his cheeks. “Last night was the last time. You have my word.”
“You scared the shit out of me last night. I was so terrified.”
“I never meant to scare you. I’m so, so sorry, Oakley,” he repeats for what feels like the hundredth time.
“Whatever is going on with you, whatever happens, I’m here. If you feel tempted to drink or to use, come to me. Let me help you.”
“I will.” He blows out a breath. “I love you.” He waits until my hands fall away before leaning in, resting his forehead against mine.
“I love you, too.” It’s a whisper on my lips. And I do. I love him more than anything.
But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Scared that he won’t be able to keep his promise. Terrified that this situation is already too big for me to control. And I’m downright petrified of what will happen next if I can’t keep him clean.
Chapter Nineteen
JACE
* * *
I startle when the door swings open without warning, pulling my attention from the notebook in front of me to where Oakley stands in the doorway of the apartment.
She’s dressed in pajamas, cute little plaid shorts and a light pink tank. It’s giving me a breathtaking view of her sun-kissed skin. Her hair is knotted on top of her head and she looks like she just rolled out of bed. As if she were trying to sleep and couldn’t.
I know the feeling.
“Oakley?” I question, sitting up straighter in bed, dropping my notebook on top of the comforter bunched up next to me.
“You wrote about me.” It’s not a question. She turns, closing the door before stepping further into the room. When she turns back to face me, I can see the tiniest pink hue coloring her cheeks. “You wrote about me,” she states again, as if I’m supposed to know what she’s talking about.
“What?” I question, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.
“I saw your notebooks.” She points to the stack of boxes still sitting next to the door. “You wrote about me. A lot. Why?”
At first I’m taken aback… She read my journals? I’m not sure if I should be pissed or relieved. It’s not like I said anything in any of them that I wouldn’t have said to her myself a million times over if I had the guts.
“What do you mean, why?” I ask instead.
“You promised me. You promised you were going to get clean. That you were going to do it for me… For us. But you lied. You didn’t get clean. In fact, you got so bad that you nearly killed me. So, I’ll ask you again, why did you write about me?”
“You read the journals. I’m sure you’ve figured it out.”
“I didn’t read all of them. Just a couple of pages. But that’s not the point. I wasn’t enough for you to quit using. So why is almost every entry I saw about me?” She seems confused, angry even.
“I would think that would be obvious.” I push to my feet, but I don’t dare take even one step toward her. Something in her expression tells me she’s dangling on the edge and one false move could send her toppling right over.
I know Oakley. Even if she’s changed, I still know her at her core. And I know when to hold her and when to keep my distance. And right now is one of those times.
“Well it isn’t.” She crosses her arms in front of herself.
“Because I love you, Oak.” I blow out a breath, my gaze dropping to my feet. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”
“You can’t do that. You don’t get to do that.” Even from the distance separating us I can see that unshed tears fill her eyes. “Not after you abandoned me.”
“Abandoned you?” I draw back at her words. “I didn’t abandon you. You left.”
“After you almost killed me!” Her voice echoes through the small room.
I flinch. Even though it’s true, it doesn’t make the words any easier to hear.
“You don’t know how much I wish