Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,58

knew it had gotten bad, but I thought it was just drinking and pills I was dealing with. But heroin? I’m in so over my head right now.

“It was just a couple of times.”

“How long?” I demand. “How long have you been using?”

“Oakley…”

“Tell the fucking truth, Jace!” My voice explodes through the confines of the car.

“I don’t know. A couple of months.”

“A couple of months!” My words are riddled with disbelief.

“But I’m done now.” His words are slurred and this time when he closes his eyes, he doesn’t reopen them. “I promise, Oak. I’m done.” His head lulls to the side.

I don’t want to move this car. I don’t want to go anywhere until we’ve settled this, but it’s becoming pretty apparent that nothing is getting resolved right now. Not with him in this condition.

So, begrudgingly, I latch my seatbelt and start the car, pulling out onto the street moments later.

Jace sleeps on the drive to my house. I keep the radio off so I can listen to his breathing, terrified that at any moment he might stop. I don’t know anything about heroin, other than it’s really easy to overdose on, especially if it’s laced with something else. I have no way of knowing if this is the case, so I play it safe and keep a very close watch on him.

When I pull into the driveway, all the house lights are off. I blow out a sigh of relief. At least I don’t have to deal with my mother on top of everything else right now.

Killing the engine, I unlatch my seatbelt and lay my head back against the headrest, my eyes trained on Jace.

He looks so peaceful sleeping. His features relaxed, his lips slightly parted. I’m tempted to reach out and sweep his hair away from his forehead the way I’ve done a million times before but I refrain.

I’m so angry with him. And with myself.

I should have seen the signs. I should have known what he was up to. But it’s hard not to believe him when he looks me in the eye and swears he’s telling me the truth.

We’ve never lied to each other before. Of course I’d believed him when he told me he was done with the pills. And I’d believed him when he told me he’d cut back on the drinking. And I naïvely trusted him when he told me he wasn’t doing anything else.

How foolish could I be?

Yet still, knowing everything that I know, all I want to do is help him. I can feel him slipping away. Further and further with every day that passes. I’m so desperate to keep him close. To heal him. To save him from the demons that have driven him to drugs.

I have to. Because he’s everything to me. He’s my entire world. He’s the only thing that’s ever felt right to me. The only thing that’s ever made me feel even a semblance of worth. He is my person. And I will not, I cannot, give up on him.

I don’t know at what point I doze off, but only that when my eyes open again they’re immediately met with Jace’s blue ones.

“Morning.” He gives me a hesitant smile, reaching out to trail the back of his hand down the side of my face.

Memories of last night hit me like a sledgehammer and I shoot upright, my anger relighting like someone threw gasoline all over it.

“Oak.” Jace senses the abrupt shift and reaches for my hand. I don’t want to let him take it, but when his warm fingers wrap around mine, I don’t have the strength to pull away. “I’m so sorry.” He shifts in his seat, tucking his left leg under himself so that he’s angled toward me.

“Heroin, Jace?” I croak, turning my face back toward his.

“I know.” I can tell he’s angry with himself. “I’m so sorry I lied to you. But I wasn’t lying when I said I was going to stop. The drinking. The drugs. All of it. I just… I had a really shitty day and I slipped.”

“Why didn’t you come to me?”

“I don’t know.” He reaches around, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just… I didn’t want you to look at me the way you’re looking at me now. Like I’m a piece of shit. Like I’m no better than my father.”

“Jace,” I stop him, my expression softening. “You are nothing like your father.”

“Please don’t leave me over this. I can’t… I can’t lose you, Oak. I