Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,15

in my arm.” I roll my eyes.

“You say that now. We both know how hard it is to resist temptation.”

“You’re not really showing a hell of a lot of faith in me right now.”

“It’s not that. I just know how hard it can be. Especially the first few months after rehab.”

“I’ll be fine.” I smile, trying to reassure him.

“Okay.” He blows out a breath. “I’ll leave my cell phone number on the table. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Okay.” I nod, watching Tommy exit the room, pulling the bedroom door closed behind him.

I drop my bag on the floor, then collapse back onto the bed. It’s lumpy and broken down, but it’s still a hell of a lot better than some other things I’ve slept on over the years. Hell, on more than one occasion I’ve woken up in someone’s front lawn. More often times than not, I didn’t know whose yard it was either.

Lifting my arms, I lock my fingers behind my head and take a deep breath in, my gaze going to the ceiling.

As relieved as I am to be out of rehab, I’m also terrified. I don’t have the best track record when it comes to staying clean. After my first stent, I relapsed three days out. After my second, I didn’t even make forty-eight hours. But this time, this time I’m determined to make it stick. I have to.

My mind drifts back to Oakley again. I know I shouldn’t torture myself this way, but I can’t seem to stop myself.

I love her.

Even after all these years, I still love her so much that it damn near consumes me.

Time hasn’t changed that. Time hasn’t changed much where Oakley is concerned.

The last four years without her have been such a blur. It’s almost like I was dreaming and not actually living. But now I’m awake, facing the reality that I lost her a long, long time ago. And as much as I wish that I could fix the damage I did to our relationship, I could tell by the way she looked at me that that ship had long since sailed.

She was guarded, closed off in a way I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before. And I can’t blame her. Not for a single moment. Because everything that happened to us, to her, was my fault.

Even if I never see her again for as long as I live, I will never stop fighting to be the man she needed me to be all those years ago. The man I should have been. The man I know I can be still.

I’m seeing more clearly now than I have in a very long time. I don’t want to live my life the way I’ve been living it. I don’t want to wake up every morning and wonder if this is the day the drugs finally kill me.

It’s a shit of an existence, and as easy as it is to say I’ll never go back to that lifestyle again, the truth is it’s not that simple. Addiction isn’t something you’re just cured of. It’s something you have to work for every single second of every day.

So as much as I want to dive in headfirst and start living my new life, I know the only way I’ll have any chance of success is if I ease myself in one fucking toe at a time.

The road in front of me is long and winding, but with determination and a lot of hard work, I know I’ll get through it. I just have to take it one day, one minute, one second at a time.

Chapter Seven

OAKLEY

* * *

“So how pissed is Lance at me for not going to the festival with you?” I ask as I sit on the corner of the bed, watching Kiera pack for her three days away.

“I think he’s disappointed, but he hasn’t said much more about it,” she says, tossing a pair of flip flops into her suitcase.

Lance was right, Keira did ask me to go with her. But, unlike Lance, she completely understood why I couldn’t.

One of the benefits of my cousin and boyfriend being friends, is that he usually confides in her or asks for advice, and in turn she tells me. I’m not sure if he realizes this or not, but there’s very little Kiera and I don’t tell each other.

“I feel bad. There just wasn’t any way I could leave Ellie with Gianna overnight, let alone for three nights. I wouldn’t