Poison - Jade West Page 0,89

fucking breath on the air and that vile, perverted cunt still coming between us.”

“I don’t know what you mean…” I tried. “Nobody is coming between us… we’re starting again…”

“So show me you want me,” he said, and his voice was low and cold. “If you’re so keen to start again, show me how you want me so much more than him. You barely looked at me in the club, just like fucking always. People are laughing at me, you know? They’re laughing that I’m pathetic enough to give you another fucking go…”

My heart dropped and thumped, right in my belly. Because I couldn’t. I couldn’t show him that I wanted him so much more than Lucas. I was still trying to show myself.

I knew people would be laughing at him, and I was sorry.

I was sorry, and I wanted to show it, but I couldn’t.

I’d told him it would take time, building bridges and making a new life together before we could be what we were before, and he’d told me it would be ok. He’d told me we’d work at it.

“I can’t show you anything just yet,” I managed to say. “We need time…”

“Oh, right,” he snapped back. “So, we need time now, do we? You didn’t need time when you were diving into bed with that cunt, did you? I bet you were climbing the fucking walls to get to his dick.”

“Stop,” I said, but my voice was just a breath. “It wasn’t like that…”

I hated how he squeezed my arm and yanked me towards him. I hated how his eyes glared harder and his fingers gripped tighter.

“Answer me one thing,” he said. “What is it you like so much about that piece of shit? What is it about him that drives you so fucking crazy?”

“It wasn’t like that…” I said again, and tried to pull away.

But he wouldn’t let me. He gripped tighter, and sneered harder, and put his face right up to mine.

“You always were that dirty little slut, weren’t you?” he hissed. “I tried to make you someone better, but it never worked, did it?”

“Stop it.”

“I thought I was picking you up off the floor and leaving your filthy slut ways behind, but I wasn’t, was I? You kept hold of them the whole fucking time.”

I shook my head, because he was talking crap.

He rarely got like this, so spiteful and so bitter and so vile.

He was usually wrapping me up in cotton wool every second of the day, and making me promise to be good, and healthy, and take care in every little way he told me how.

“This is nothing to do with me and Lucas,” I told him. “This is about us, and starting again. I want to start again!”

There was a strength in my voice I hadn’t heard all night. I felt a flash of myself back in my veins, because I couldn’t let myself slip back into those same old shoes. Not for anything or anyone. I couldn’t let go of the very person I’d been so desperate to find in myself those past few months.

I thought he’d love that person.

I thought he’d love me.

I shrugged him off a whole load harder and looked him straight in the eyes.

“Let’s go to bed,” I said. “We’ll talk in the morning, when we can talk properly again. It’s been a long night.”

I pushed past him to find my nightdress from my overnight bag, and was leaning over to sort through my things when his arms wrapped around my waist, clenched tight, and spun me off my feet. I was unbalanced in a heartbeat, and he threw me down onto the bed, and I stared up at him open mouthed, because I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand.

“I tried to do everything for you!” he barked. “I sort your useless fucking brain out when you’re such a state you don’t even know your own name. I pick you up from the floor when you’re too fucked to take the most basic fucking care of your own piss, and this is how you repay me?! This is how you fucking repay me?!”

I’d heard this kind of rage from him before whenever he was in one of these dickhead moods over the years, but I thought we were done with it.

He’d apologised for his bullshit and I’d apologised back for mine, and we’d started over.

He’d said we’d started over.

“Please stop,” I said, and tried to get up, but he pushed me back down.

“Is that what you