in Europe. He was an only child. No real extended family—just Adam. And my mom’s family hates him.”
We watch the rise and fall of Mr. Gordon’s chest. I think we’re both kind of expecting it to stop.
“I need to get out of the house,” Levi says suddenly. “Sorry. I don’t have my license, and Mr. Go— Dad’s house is all the way up here, and you’re still the only person I really know here. Sorry.”
I forgot how big of a difference there is between school friends and friends you actually hang out with. “My mom gave me a ride here, but we can go for a walk.”
“Down to the quarry?”
It’s just an old quarry, it’s not haunted, it’s fine. I nod.
Downstairs, the portraits of Adam’s grandpa, the framed signatures and album covers and memorabilia—they’re all gone, nail holes and dustless patches left on the wall. A million empty pizza boxes are stacked in one corner, next to mountains of half-crushed beer cans.
“I didn’t know where the recycling was.” Levi waves hopelessly at the mess. “Nobody ever cleaned up after the birthday party.”
He was here alone, piling up pizza boxes and trash with his dad passed out upstairs.
“Were you the one who cleared off the walls?” I ask.
“Yeah. The first night I was here, Dad—I’m sorry, I can’t—Mr. Gordon kept apologizing to the portraits of his father. Said he was sorry he let his family die out. It was all very, I have disappointed my ancestors.”
Jesus. “You’re still here, though.”
He stops in the dining room. “The last time I saw Mr. Gordon, when I was a kid, he stuck Adam’s guitar in my hands and put on a karaoke version of my grandfather’s album. The minute I opened my mouth to sing, any interest he might’ve had in me fell off his face.”
“Doesn’t he like having you here, since he hasn’t seen you in so long?”
“Most of the time I don’t think he realizes I’m here. Pretty sure he thinks I’m some kind of hired help.”
“That’s awful,” I stammer.
He pushes open the door, steps into the light. “It’s okay. I’m dumping this on you.”
“It’s not okay. I’m really bad at . . . saying the right thing.”
There’s a burned-out circle of old firewood on the lawn. I remember there was a fire the night of Adam’s birthday party. Kennedy and Sarah danced next to it. Blurry memories. Dreams maybe. I don’t know.
I follow Levi down the hill, away from the house, into the trees. One step. Two steps. Walking isn’t hard. Moving forward isn’t hard. More memories: sticks snapping, branches cutting me. Did I go into the woods the night of his birthday party, or am I thinking of the night in July I got drunk for the first time with Grace?
“So, okay. I’m about to be Advice Levi, and I’m sorry, he’s annoying.” Levi picks past a cluster of bushes like the ones I peed behind while Grace stood watch. “When it comes to other people’s problems, the only thing you can do is listen and be nice. Whatever advice you have, that’s secondary. You can’t fix anything, but being nice counts for more than people think.”
“Advice Levi’s not so bad,” I tell him.
We step out of the trees. I haven’t been to the quarry in daylight since I was young. The rock drops off sharply, the edge sanded down by years of wind and rain. It’s so big. A chasm. The bottom is rough with loose boulders. It looks like a giant dragged a mace through the earth.
Levi walks to the edge and the wind lifts, like it’s trying to push him over, like when Grace almost fell.
“Levi. Don’t get any closer.”
“No worries.”
He didn’t gel his hair today. The breeze swooshes it along his forehead. I stand beside him and we both look down at the same time. The craggy bottom’s maybe a forty-foot drop. One of the rocks is stained rust brown. If I was responsible for that stain, there’s no way I wouldn’t remember, no matter how drunk I was.
Vicious things are in my head. I hope Grace’s face was the last thing he thought of. I hope it hurt.
“He died there,” Levi says, pointing. “Right there.”
It’s so weird, how differently two people can feel about the exact same thing.
“Can I tell you a stupid story?” he asks.
“Yeah.” Talk so I don’t have to hear myself think.
“The first night after the funeral, I couldn’t sleep. I had this feeling like Adam was down here and wanted to