Phantom of the Library - Lidiya Foxglove Page 0,81
come with the house,” Billie said. “I’m Billie Pruitt. I don’t know if you’ve heard of me, but I’m more known for doing up the whole package, so I hit a bunch of antique and junk stores last week. And that’s the original couch, reupholstered. Your video inspired me! This is crazy!”
“You know your stuff. This is exactly where retro design trends are right now. This place is already ready for me to have clients over. I love it.”
“And you’ll be right next door,” Isaac said. “You can help us with computers.”
Ohmigod, don’t ruin it, old man, I thought.
“And this deck…this is my favorite thing about Pedrewsky houses.” Tom said. “The tiki-style decks. They were one of his signatures…along with that entrance, which is also pretty fantastic.”
We considered tearing out the entrance and ran out of time, so once Maya got the fountain going, we called it a day. Phew.
I pulled my nearest sympathetic ear—Byron, in this case—into the hallway for a second and silent screamed into his chest. “He loves it…”
“Are you okay?”
“He’s my favorite kind of buyer.”
“That’s good, right?”
“He hasn’t met Maya yet. And I’m worried about Isaac. But he would be the perfect person to live here and I am dying to get back to Greenwood Manor and just…use that shower.”
We went to the grotto. Maya had been given firm instructions about not kidnapping people, but instead she would immediately pop up and stare hungrily at every man we brought down the stairs. Tom started to admire the cavernous, rocky room, newly furnished with poolside furniture and lots of colored lights, and then he saw her.
“Oh—wow—so this is—“
“Yep, this is the undine. Sam loved her, you know,” Isaac said.
“So she’s…how old is she? She was in love with Sam?” Tom raised an eyebrow.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s a nymph. She’s ageless. Until someone takes a liking to her.”
Maya lunged halfway out of the pool and stared at him even more eagerly. “I just want to marry a human,” she said. “A handsome human. If you marry me I can leave the water and have your babies and make you dry foods.”
“Oh, and I saw that Sam died and left behind twenty whole chickens in the freezer,” Isaac said. “So when you buy this place, you also get all those chickens. If you don’t know how to make a chicken, Hepzibah will have you over.”
“This is pretty intense,” Tom said. “I’m…just not sure I’m ready to give up on meeting someone.”
“I want to meet you…,” the undine said. “If you’re ever sad I can sing to you. And I can let you breathe underwater and come into my realm and meet my fish.”
“You have a realm down there?”
“Of course! You don’t think I just live in a pool. That would be sad!”
“Maybe we should let the two of them visit,” Graham said. “Just to see if there’s a connection. It couldn’t hurt. Then you can also take your time exploring the garden, Tom. We’ll go upstairs and make your grandpa a drink and you can come chat with us when you’re ready.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Tom said.
I glanced at Graham. “You sure about this? What does the undine do when she drags you under there?”
“She tries to give you a blow job.”
“Oh. Is there…like, something we can do for nymph feminism next? I am so not comfortable with spirits that have to seduce just to get a soul.”
“I think you just gotta pick your battles,” Billie said. “At least he came for the house, not to take advantage of her.”
Sure enough, Tom came up a half hour later and said, “All right. I love the house. I’ve been waiting for a Frank Pedrewsky to come on the market for years. Maybe I’ll get more work done if I don’t spend so much time looking for a date and…I guess she’s better company than any of the disastrous dates I’ve been on lately through that wizard dating app. I want to put in an offer. I don’t want to bullshit you here. You had it listed at eight-fifty. Considering it’s only a two bedroom, which is low for the area, I think eight twenty five is something I’m comfortable with. Pending closer inspection, but I’m guessing you know your stuff. I mean, I’ll submit formal paperwork, but do you have other offers? Is this worth pursuing?”
“We do have other interest, of course,” Jake said. “For some types of men, having a woman living in the pool is the primary appeal.