don’t tell her she is making shit up. You don’t know the half of it.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Mac sighs scrubbing a hand down his face. I can sense the tension in the air and the last thing I want is to cause a fight. I’m already exhausted, and anxious from watching Roman fight. All I want is to get back to the house and sink deep into Roman’s bed with his arms wrapped tightly around me.
“Alright everybody let’s calm down, get in the car and head home. Roman still needs patched up and we can discuss this on the way back,” Devin tries to defuse the situation and it helps a little bit but doesn’t stop the worry from creeping in.
Mac and Roman nod in agreement and we finally get into the car. Roman slides in the back seat with me and pulls me onto his lap. The drive to his house is quiet, and I rest my head against Roman’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. I close my eyes, trying to forget that I just saw my father...or that I thought I saw him. For a moment I consider that maybe Mac is right. My mind must just be conjuring up these images.
Still I can’t help but think maybe I did see him…being afraid of him is all I’ve ever known...the fear is something I’m used to. After being free for the last couple of weeks I think I forgot what it was like to worry, to be truly afraid of something or someone that would actually hurt me.
“Everything’s going to be okay, Sophie. I fucked up. I gave you up for some stupid high but I’m never going to do that to you again. I’m never going to hurt you again, and I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you either. I’ll protect you, with a clear mind from this day forward.” Roman’s voice is filled with guilt, remorse, and maybe even a little pain as he tries to reassure me.
I know he means every word he says because for the last two weeks all he’s done is detox and sit inside his room. If he didn’t mean them then he would still be taking his pills, and I’d be nothing but a faded memory in his mind. Instead Ivan told me he was refusing to come out of his room, to eat or even to talk to anyone. He pleaded with Mac, begging him to see me so he could apologize and while I desperately wanted to go to him, I knew he needed time to take care of himself.
Now I feel like enough time has passed and all he needs is me, just as much as I need him.
We get to the house, and when I walk through the door, I almost feel like I never left. I instantly feel home again. There’s a slight tinge of the memories from that night in my mind, but I’m not afraid, just sad. Roman holds my hand in his, squeezing it tightly as if to say I’m here. I give him a reassuring smile.
We head into the kitchen where Dev offers everyone a beer. I decline as does Roman, and instead plants himself on the counter. I watch Mac as he pulls out his doctoring bag. The amount of stuff he has in that thing is insane. He doesn’t offer Roman anything for the pain, and instead gets to work cleaning his wounds. Once everything is sterile, he gets out the needle and thread and closes all the deep gashes on his face. Devin makes us something to eat while I sit and hold Roman’s hand since he still refuses to let go of me even for a second.
As soon as Roman is patched up and we’ve eaten something, Devin and Mac tell us goodbye and leave, leaving us all alone in this giant house. Nervous butterflies fill my belly. It’s not the first time I’ve been alone with Roman, but it’s the first time being alone with him in two weeks. Roman places the entire house on lockdown through the security system.
“You look tired,” Roman whispers.
“I am,” I admit sleepily. “You don’t look very alert yourself.”
“Yeah, I really need to take a shower though,” Roman announces as we enter his bedroom. He gives me a weary look as if he’s nervous about having me here. And I want to do is tell him he has nothing to worry about,