let it drop on to the couch. ‘It’s a good thing you brought this. I don’t know what I would have . . .’ He trailed off, partly so as not to disturb her any further.
And partly to stop himself from thinking about what he had almost done.
Would he have done it? Would he actually have killed her? He didn’t know. That was in some ways the most frightening thing of all.
She knelt before him, holding his hand. ‘Jesus. You’re shaking. Do you need anything?’
‘No, I’m okay. But thank you.’
‘So what happened? How could Qasid’s persona take over?’
‘Maybe because I was panicking? It was like the feedback loop with Vanwall’s vertigo, but worse, much worse. I was losing it – and that gave him an opening.’
‘What did . . . he want?’
‘To escape – to get out of here before he was caught. Before I was caught.’ He gave her a look of anguish. ‘Bianca, I’ve got to turn myself in. I betrayed my country.’
‘No, I still can’t believe it. It doesn’t fit.’ She leaned back on her haunches, still holding his hand. ‘The Persona Project is so secret, even other parts of STS don’t know about it. So how could you have known? Nobody here had ever met you before you joined.’
‘If I had access to the Secretary’s security details, I would have had access to other classified information.’
‘So, what, you planned all along to give the information to al-Qaeda, and then join Persona to wipe your guilt?’
‘Something like that. It has to be.’
‘But if you knew you were going to feel that guilty, why would you do it in the first place? Was Qasid blackmailing you?’
‘No. I approached them.’
‘Okay, so . . . what did Qasid make of you? Did he think you were conflicted about handing over the files?’
Adam thought for a moment. Qasid’s memories of the encounters remained in his own mind, but now stripped of feelings. ‘No. I seemed nervous, I guess, the first time I met him, but the other two times I was . . .’ He paused, the image incongruous. ‘Businesslike.’
‘That doesn’t sound like you were racked with guilt, then.’
‘But it’s the only explanation.’
‘No, it isn’t. Maybe you were doing your job – as a spy.’
‘But I gave Qasid the damn details!’ he cried, pulling his hand from hers. ‘I took fifty thousand dollars of blood money in exchange for the information. And they used it! They planned an attack on the Secretary of State – and it succeeded! They killed her, and over a hundred other people. Qasid watched it happen—’ He stopped, realising with shock that there was something familiar about the scene.
Not from television, or a photograph. He had been there, seen the buildings and people and smoke around him …
‘The dream,’ he said, as the answer came to him. ‘The dream I always have – that’s where it was. The bombing in Islamabad. I was there, I was right there after it happened!’
Bianca was confused. ‘But the dream always ends with you seeing yourself lying in the street. How is that possible?’
‘I don’t know. But I was there, I’m certain of it. It doesn’t change anything, though. I’m still guilty of treason.’
‘No,’ said Bianca, more insistently. ‘There’s got to be another answer.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘Maybe it’s a cover-up. The mission went horribly wrong, so someone wanted to erase the memory of the only person who knew what really happened. They might have—’
A knock on the door. ‘It’s Tony.’
‘Don’t say anything,’ Bianca told Adam quietly, before raising her voice. ‘Come in.’
Tony entered. He half smiled at the sight of Bianca kneeling before Adam. ‘Remember those fraternisation rules, guys,’ he said. The smile disappeared as he took in their tense expressions. ‘What is it?’
‘Adam had a bad reaction,’ said Bianca, before Adam could reply. She stood. ‘Something went wrong with the transfer. I had to give him a shot of Neutharsine to clear Qasid’s persona.’ She picked up the injector.
‘Are you okay?’ Tony asked, concerned. ‘What kind of reaction did you have?’
Again, Bianca spoke first. ‘It was almost like . . . like a panic attack, I suppose. After what you told me about what happened to you, I was worried, so I gave him the injection. He’s back to normal now, thank God.’
‘That’s a relief. Did you get anything from Qasid’s persona? Did he really know you?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Adam said quietly. ‘Everything was . . . confused.’
‘What went wrong with the transfer? Is Qasid okay? It’ll be