Perfectly Lonely - Jessica Marin Page 0,2

deeply rooted in people’s eyes. Everyone thought I was moving on with my life when they heard I got the promotion. What they weren’t witnessing was my self-destructing behavior. How I created an online dating account so while I was away in other cities for work, I could pretend to be someone I wasn’t. How I used alcohol and strange men to take me away from my reality.

I’ve been trying really hard to keep the promises that I made to Charlie at his gravesite during my last visit. The first couple of weeks were rough, with my body going through detox as I banished alcohol and started seeing a grief counselor. I decided to take time off of work and spent it with Jenna, Avery and Robert, Jenna’s assistant and our good friend. They distract me from my darkness. They make me feel safe. Most importantly, they make me feel happy and loved. When I’m with them, I feel like myself. But I know I can’t keep relying on them to make myself feel happy and whole again. I need to be able to do it all on my own. I need to be strong enough to fight my own demons. Unfortunately, my job places me in unhealthy environments that feed those demons. This trip to Los Angeles was my first work trip in a while, so I strategically made sure to schedule client satisfactory meetings during the daytime, but there were two sponsored parties I couldn’t ignore. For once in a very long time, I didn’t want to go nor be involved in any work events. The first party I stayed at for two hours and immediately left when I felt myself wanting to drink more than one drink. The second party was more of an eye opening experience, as it seems I’ve created a reputation for myself when the very married and unattractive manager of the venue reminded me that the last time I was there, I gave him a blow job in the men’s bathroom.

And he wanted a repeat performance.

Filled with shame and guilt, I immediately left and went straight to my hotel room where I proceeded to throw up from the realization that I’d been involved with a married man. After I composed myself, I updated my resume and started my search for a new career. The next day I woke up actually feeling good about myself and my future, a feeling I haven’t had since Charlie’s death. I was proud of myself for staying sober in those types of environments and not reverting to my old ways. I’m excited to tell Jenna and Robert, as I know they will be relieved to hear that I was strong enough to take care of myself. They were worried about how I was going to handle myself on this trip.

As the beautiful Chicago skyline comes into view, I realize that I forgot to text Jenna that I was on my way. I pull out my phone to send her a message.

Me: Hey Hooch, not only have I already landed, but I’m ten minutes away from your doorstep. Surprise! So here’s your warning that breakfast better be ready for me, little lady!

Jenna: (middle finger emoji)

I can’t help the snort that escapes with my laughter as I can picture her rolling her eyes and flipping me the bird.

And for once in a very long time, I’m excited to be back home.

2

Layla

“Jen-na!” I scream obnoxiously from inside the shower. “Can you please bring me my toiletries?”

I stick my head out and look around her bathroom while I wait for her, marveling at the fact that she shares this tiny space with Cal, who’s a large man. Granted, he has only been living here for less than a year — when he’s in town - but still, he would easily take up the majority of this bathroom with his hard muscled body. Jenna was blessed by inheriting this condo on Lake Michigan from her grandmother before she got married. She remodeled it when she divorced her ex-husband and it has been the perfect place for her and Avery. But with Cal in her life now, I can’t imagine them living comfortably in this place for very long.

The object of my thoughts comes into the bathroom, confusion written on her face. “First off, can you please not scream? My neighbors already hate me from the chaos the paparazzi brings into their lives. Secondly, my shower is stocked with plenty of necessities. Why do