Perfectly Lonely - Jessica Marin Page 0,19
believe I am, returns.
“Layla,” I sigh out in frustration. “I know you’ve thrown away every apology letter that I’ve written to you, but I’m truly sorry for my actions that night. Even though revealing their story has benefited Cal, Jenna, and Avery, it was not my business to tell. I should never have told their secret and I should have never made you feel guilty or shameful. Despite what you may think, I do regret my actions that night and hate myself more than you could possibly hate me. So, for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry and hope one day you can forgive me.”
She ponders my apology, but the mistrust in her eyes is still present. The last two years I’ve been roaming around not caring what anybody thinks about me or my career. But I’ve come to realize that I care what Layla thinks. I don’t want her to hate me and gaining her forgiveness will be a step in the right direction of forgiving myself.
She’s about to say something but stops herself. Instead she narrows her eyes and studies my face. She leans forward and it takes all of my willpower to keep my eyes trained on her and not the opening of her shirt. I hold my breath, refusing to breathe in another whiff of her intoxicating scent.
“Why are you a paparazzi?”
I slowly exhale and silently question whether I should tell her the truth or not. Lies would only push her away if she ever found out and if I’m seeking forgiveness, then she’s owed the truth. “My family’s business started to struggle and becoming a paparazzi was the only way I figured I could make quick money to help save it. Or so I thought.” I shake my head and let out a short, bitter laugh at my naiveté. Her eyebrows raise in surprise at my admission and I realize that I haven’t been the subject of conversation between her and Jenna. “I’m a little surprised to see that Jenna didn’t tell you.”
Her mouth drops open in complete shock. “Jenna knew about this?”
I briefly recall the conversation to try to remember how much I had told her. “To be fair, she doesn’t know the full details. She asked the same question after I helped walk her home when she tried to outrun Mason that first morning he was her bodyguard.” I can’t help but smile at her stupidity that day. Thank God she wasn’t hurt when she went rogue and ditched him to try to prove a point to Cal that she could handle being by herself. “I told her the exact same answer I just told you.”
She leans back in her chair with resignation. “How do I know you are telling me the truth? Paparazzi are just as good at lying as actors are.”
Now it is my turn to raise my eyebrows at her, wondering if she is referring to Cal. “I won’t be a paparazzi for much longer and unfortunately at this moment, you don’t know if I’m telling the truth. You don’t trust me because I betrayed your trust and I understand that. You’ll just have to Google me to find out if I’m lying or not,” I say with a sad smile.
She continues her assessment of me, her stare breaking only when the bartender brings back the change. She leaves him a tip, puts the rest of the money back in her purse, and stands up to leave.
“I’m still going to make sure you get home safely. We can share a cab.” I stand up as well and move my chair back into the table.
She looks at me and starts again to say something but stops herself. “You already know where I live, don’t you?”
I give her a knowing look before stating the obvious. “Yes.”
Her eyes widen slightly and she shakes her head before turning around and heading toward the door. I follow her silently as she says good night to the bartender and I make sure to hold the door for her as we walk out. Due to the popularity of O’Malley’s, we’re able to get a taxi since they are lined up on the street. She gives the driver her address and we drive away from the pub in silence.
I decide not to engage in anymore conversation with her as I feel the air of silence is compatible and friendly. She needs time to register everything I told her tonight. I know I’ll see her again before I leave