testing to do. But small victories matter.
“Willow said she saw Dorothy Mayhem with your son at the farmer’s market last night. Is she babysitting for you now too? Man, that girl can juggle a lot. Has she by any chance said anything about me? She’s taking the whole hard-to-get game to a ridiculous level.”
Great. There were witnesses. I hope that doesn’t get around to Julie. I know she’ll start pulling people into her office to interrogate them.
“I had an appointment. She watched him for me. It’s not an actual job for her.”
“Don’t you have like a million family members always fighting over who gets to watch him?”
Yes. I do. But I didn’t need a babysitter, I needed Dorothy naked in my bed. But that all went to shit. I question if I’ll ever see her naked again.
“Mmm …” is my only answer as I inspect a few slides.
He leans against the counter a few feet from me. “I wonder if she’s a flowers kind of girl. I mean, at first I thought she might be a fun time, you know? But the more she dismisses me, the more I want her. And I think she’s hell-bent on busting my balls until I treat her the way she thinks she deserves to be treated. Ya know?”
“Like an intelligent woman with morals and high standards?”
Warren laughs. “Sure. Something like that. So what do you think? Flowers? Chocolates? Cookie bouquet? Singing telegram?”
I tell myself there’s no reason to not tell Warren the truth. But the real truth is that there’s a million reasons to not tell Warren about me and Dorothy. I don’t need rumors going around because rumors always escalate to the most ridiculous stuff. And the last thing I need is Julie catching wind of something that isn’t true about Dorothy.
“Maybe she’s legitimately not interested. I realize that’s not what your ego wants to hear. But you can’t be a god to every woman.”
“If you’re a Christian who believes in one god, then it’s possible I can be a god—the god—to every woman.”
“In that case, send her a cookie bouquet from Bloomin Bakery.”
“Oh yeah. Those are the best.”
“They really are.”
“I wonder if it’s too late to get one ordered for today? I’d love to get her thinking about me today. That leaves two more days to seal the deal.”
“And by deal, you mean politely ask her out on a date, not make her an on-call room conquest, right?”
“Sure.” He smirks.
I want to punch him. Why does my instinct to protect Dorothy make me rabidly violent?
* * *
Around four o’clock Dorothy knocks on the door to the lab. Warren lets her in. A large cookie bouquet hides her face.
“I can’t accept these. I mean, I ate one but only as payment for my time to deliver them to you.”
He takes the bouquet from her. “Why not?”
She shoots me a nervous glance before tipping her chin up and addressing Warren again. “I get the sexual innuendo. These cookies in exchange for my cookie. Well, I don’t want to share my cookie with you. So, nice try.”
While they work out their cookie issues, I sneak one out of the cellophane wrapped bouquet and take a bite.
Mmm …
They are my favorite cookies in Portland.
“Dammit …” Warren looks at his phone. “I have to go. Those cookies have nothing to do with your cookie. In fact, they weren’t even my idea. Dr. Hawkins made the suggestion when I said I wanted to send you something. So now do you think he wants your cookie?”
“Yes.”
I choke on my cookie as she deadpans her answer.
A cackle makes its way out of Warren as he covers his mouth with his fist and shoots me a look accompanied by an eye roll. “Sure. Sure he does. I’ll send you something less sexual tomorrow, Mayhem, like a rosary.” Warren leaves the lab.
“Hey, ‘Dr. Hawkins,’ why would you tell Warren to send me a cookie bouquet?”
I pop the last bite of cookie into my mouth. “Why are you air quoting my name?”
“Because you’re weird with your name. Eli. Elijah. Dr. Hawkins. Just so many rules to figure out.”
“At work, Dr. Hawkins is great. Without the air quotes. And I suggested Warren send you a cookie bouquet because I knew you wouldn’t accept it, and I thought Bloomin Bouquet’s cookies sounded really good today. I missed lunch with my mom. I’m kinda hungry.”
“Why did you miss lunch with your mom?”
“Because I had sex with Dorothy Mayhem at my mom’s house last weekend. And