in a room.
It’s like they’re there but they’re not there.
Meanwhile, when they are right next to you, and their face fills up the whole screen of your phone, there’s an immediacy and a presence to that experience that is difficult to describe.
“Well, hello there,” India says, giving me a slight wave of the hand.
Her new nails are polished, but not overdone, just like the rest of her. Her shoulders are draped in some sort of shawl, embroidered with the pleasant colors of the ocean.
There is a thin necklace around her neck with a little crescent moon that buries itself right in between her collarbones.
The stud earrings, at least a carat each, in each earlobe, make her eyes sparkle.
“Hi,” I say nervously, touching my hair and adjusting the way it looks in the little screen.
“How are you? What’s new?”
I have emailed her about my trip and she knows the broad strokes. Basically, it’s the same story that I told my coworkers.
“Well, I’m on this little road trip. I just decided to take a chance and go.”
“That’s very unlike you,” India says, “but I’m glad to hear it. How is your anxiety?”
“I try not to think about it. I’m not really obsessing about going into the rest areas or in the convenience stores. I’ve been listening to a lot of music and audiobooks.”
“So, what has spurred all of this?” she asks.
She doesn’t sound like she’s interrogating me, more like she’s just curious.
“It’s silly actually,” I admit. “I watched this movie, Crossroads. It’s with Britney Spears and it’s about twenty years old. It’s about three friends who take a road trip together and I sort of felt like if they could do it, then why couldn’t I?”
“That’s very true. Staying in one place for a long time, especially not having much social contact like you do, outside of work, it can be a little difficult on your mental health. I’m actually very proud of you for taking this initiative.”
“I don’t think I would’ve done it if I had given it much thought.”
“That’s a good thing. For you, anyway. For some people who have problems with impulse control, we try to suggest other coping strategies. For you, I’m glad that you jumped at the chance to embrace this opportunity.”
We talk for a little bit more and I feel like my thoughts start to clear.
I stop worrying about what I should or shouldn’t be doing and instead focus on being more intuitive. We make plans to talk again next week and I promise to contact her if I start to feel anxious or out of control again.
“Call me anytime,” she says.
“Yes, of course,” I say.
“Isabelle, I mean it. Please call me if you start to feel strange or anything unusual. I want this to be a good experience and I hope it pushes you forward and doesn’t set you back.”
I thank her, hang up the phone, and stare out at the empty parking lot behind the diner.
I have made at least ten loops around here while talking to her but never really looked at it.
The asphalt is worn and tired, beaten down after years of winter storms and summer humidity.
There’s another field to the left, stretching far into the distance. The sky is bright blue and entirely cloudless.
There’s something very relaxing about being out here. It’s almost as if this sky gets very big and stays that way. With the hills and the low hanging clouds back home, it always felt like someone was encroaching on my thoughts.
Watching me.
Bearing down on me.
Perhaps even suffocating me.
Out here, where the Earth is flat and the sky is big enough to swallow up the whole world, I feel the kind of freedom that I haven’t felt in a long time.
“So, what did you tell her?” Mac asks.
I spin around as his voice startles me.
“Nothing,” I say with a shrug.
I don’t like his accusatory question but I decide to let it go.
“We are running away from the FBI and you take half an hour to talk to your therapist?”
“I’m not running away. I didn’t tell her anything about you or Tyler. She doesn’t even know that I’m here. No one does.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes, of course I’m sure. I had the appointment set up before I took the days off work. She knows that I have certain anxieties about traveling. I’m doing everything in my power to make sure that we don’t get caught. I can’t really say the same about you.”
He narrows his eyes and smiles out