The Perfect Arrangement (The Not So Saintly Sisters #4) - Annabelle Anders Page 0,42
up an excuse for Christian’s absence but feeling humiliated that he’d leave her to dine alone with his sister without letting her know. She didn’t expect to live in his pocket but after all they’d shared, his easy dismissal hurt.
Conversation with Bernadette had been stilted at first, but by the end of the meal, Lillian was pleased in that they’d taken a small step towards friendship.
She smiled and listened to her new sister-in-law despite feeling exhausted and worried and heart sick. Bernadette’s gaze would periodically shift to the head of the table, as did Lillian’s. His lack of presence was felt acutely.
His sister must have had a multitude of questions for her about the sudden wedding, but it seemed that the two of them, for now anyway, would avoid the giant elephant in the room.
They discussed the weather, and then moved on to fashion. They shared a few small things in common. Neither of them liked onions, it seemed, and both of them enjoyed riding.
Once back in her chamber, as Becky brushed and braided her hair, Lillian wondered if all her efforts would be for naught. Would he seek an annulment after all? Her eyes flicked to the window each time a horse or carriage rode by, but none of them carried her husband home.
Her husband.
Would he remain such?
Her home.
She felt misplaced as she crawled into her bed alone. The night before, they’d shared the bed in his chamber, and as had become usual, neither had done much sleeping.
Was she fooling herself? She couldn’t help wondering where he had been all day. She’d never asked him if he had a mistress. She’d assumed he did not, but as the minutes turned into hours, she grew sad and then angry before finally drifting into a troubled and broken sleep. She awoke every time she thought she heard sounds coming from the neighboring suite and so was not taken by surprise when she finally heard the door quietly swing open.
Relieved but unwilling to show it, she refused to open her eyes. She would feign sleep.
He’d come to her from God only knew where after being gone for most of the day. Tears squeezed from beneath her lashes, but she choked back the sob that wanted to escape. Alarm bells ought to have sounded long before this.
She was angry and frustrated and utterly unwilling to make this easy for him.
“Lillian.”
She pinched her eyes closed tighter.
After a rustling of clothes and then a pause, the mattress dipped. She stiffened as he climbed into bed beside her and then tentatively edged closer until his body formed an arc around hers.
“Lillian.”
“I’m asleep.” she answered.
He embraced her from behind. “I’m sorry. It was… I––”
“If you are coming here from another woman’s bed, I beg of you to leave at once.” Only he didn’t smell like women’s perfume, or smoke, or even liquor. Of course he wouldn’t do that to her. She knew it deep inside.
“I met with Crawford—with your brother. He said his mother assured him that I had not coerced you.”
She sniffed. She hadn’t thought of that.
“But after that, I was walking.”
She opened her eyes and stared into the darkness. “Walking? All day?”
She felt his nod behind her head. “And thinking.”
Lillian waited.
“Everything you said today… it makes perfect sense.” He buried his head in her hair. “I don’t want it to be true. But I have no choice… I’m so damn sorry for bringing you into all of this. I never imagined that I could hurt you. Have I hurt you? I think that I have. I don’t know what to do.”
The sob escaped as she rolled around to face him. In the moonlight she could see pain in his eyes. And doubt. And uncertainty.
Tracing her fingers along his jaw, her throat thickened. “People hurt each other all the time without intending to. I know you would never hurt me. I… I trust you. I like you, Christian.” Oh, but it would not be very difficult to come to love him. “Your actions will always have the ability to hurt the people who care for you. And I will not lie to you. Knowing you believe you are going to die hurts me.”
“I can’t help it.” One of his hands was caressing the dip in her waist and the other cradled her face. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“But there is no turning back.” Already her body was responding to his. Without consciously deciding to forgive him, she welcomed his kiss.