The Perfect Arrangement (The Not So Saintly Sisters #4) - Annabelle Anders Page 0,40
never forget my pettiness, my selfishness—the last words I‘d spoken to my father. Abron managed the estates and Calvin went off to school. My mother died two years later. I rather believe she suffered from a broken heart.” He ran a hand through his hair and made a sound of self–disgust. “But you did not ask to hear my life story.”
“Tell me.” Lillian wanted to know everything about him. She hadn’t realized it until that moment. What had made him into the person that she’d married, hardly knowing him at all?
But most importantly, right now, why did he believe he must die?
“Abron was not only an adequate duke; he was an astute businessman. He invested in shipping. I think he enjoyed that aspect far greater than the agricultural side of running a dukedom. He became quite involved, in fact, but then died when one of the ships we owned went down in the channel.”
“That’s when you found Horace.” He had told her that story.
“And so, then it was Calvin’s turn to take the reins. Calvin…” Again, he shook his head. “Calvin cultivated his fondness for women and spirits far more than he ever did for the title—or for our family, it seemed. He scoffed at me when I reminded him of his responsibilities, to not only the estates, but to Bernadette—God, even to myself. I wasn’t prepared to take any of this on, but by this point, I’d begun to believe God was simply having fun with us now. Or the devil—I don’t suppose it matters.”
Lillian’s eyes began to burn with tears for the second time that day. She could endeavor all she wished to convince her husband that his family only suffered from some bad luck and tragic coincidences, but his eyes blazed with certainty.
“And then Calvin died two months ago,” Lillian supplied.
Christian nodded. “I am next.”
“The boar.” She exhaled. He had withdrawn from her after that. In hindsight, she realized, it must have been a reminder of his fears—of his belief.
“Was a close call.” He stared at her with apologetic eyes.
“You saved me. You saved us.”
HIs jaw ticked, almost as though he was bracing himself for her disbelief.
What did this mean for them?
She’d thought he was suffering from some fatal disease! What a fool he was! He’d been so delighted at her easy acquiescence that he’d not questioned how easily she’d accepted that which everyone else dismissed. Instead of attempting to talk him out of his fears, she’d eagerly stepped up to assist him in finding a solution. He’d thought she’d seen something in him that everyone else had failed to find.
He’d thought she believed him. Hell, he’d thought they could even come to care for one another. Being with her had caused him to forget his destiny, if only briefly. He would chastise himself a thousand times for being such a fool.
She’d answered an advertisement for God’s sake. She wanted to live her life as an independent widow.
Everything that had happened over the past twelve days had been too good to be true.
“Are you unwell?” she’d asked him on more than one occasion. He winced. She’d even inquired if he was in pain while they’d been making love.
Did he resemble an invalid to her?
“Christ, what a mess.” He didn’t want to look at her. She’d pitied him before, but now she would for an entirely different reason. Like the colleagues he’d confided in, she’d think him mad.
Christian clenched his teeth and stared out the window at the familiar passing scenery. She was no longer furious with him, but of course, she was skeptical. He waited expectantly for her attempts to convince him how senseless his concerns were.
“I won’t attempt to talk you out of it. If anyone could have done that already, you likely would have done it yourself.”
Her words had him glancing at her after all.
“Before Calvin was killed, I could ignore it,” he admitted. Her hand remained resting on his knee. “I don’t mean to do it, you know.” At her curious expression, he flicked his glance to his knee. “It drives Bernadette mad.” And then he immediately regretted his choice of words. “The tapping,” he added.
Lillian’s response to that was to massage the outer edge of his knee with her thumb.
He wanted to believe that at least some of what had transpired between the two of them had been real, had been honest. He’d gotten too greedy, though. What had initially been meant to be a marriage of convenience was muddied now.