Another agreed. “Someone you had more in common with.”
“Joan. Nancy,” her mother snapped, coming to her daughter’s defense. “Stop being rude.”
“I think he’s a very nice man,” another aunt chimed in. “He has to be to open his house like this to people he doesn’t know. That says keeper to me.”
“Oh, hush. You’re just kissing up to Mary to get that stew recipe she won’t share.”
“By being nice?” Her aunt grinned, her round face lighting up with a deviousness Jacqui loved. “It works. You should try it.”
The debate shifted to definitions of nice and recipes and other tangents that came and went faster than most could track. A blessing for Jacqui in this case.
She snuck a carrot from a tray and slipped into the great room where three cousins were on infant and toddler duty. It was tempting to plop down on a couch and enjoy some baby cuddling, an act she’d always loved before. Now though, the thought brought a stab of jealousy to her chest. Her stomach pitched and twisted and she rubbed a hand over it, hoping the meds would ease that pain too.
The image of Henrik holding Nigel was still a bittersweet picture that continued to haunt her. Never had she wanted that so badly. A child—their child—in her husband’s arms. A family of her own to love and be loved by.
Something she still feared she’d never get to have.
Her gaze lingered on the piano tucked in the far corner. Could she hide behind it? Play away the fear and confusion? It was what she’d done for years and here she was, still lost among her own family. Included yet not.
Leukemia. The poisonous word had made her an instant anomaly, something to be loved but also pitied. Feared in some cases. She represented exactly what they ran from. Death.
Some saw life, she knew that. The distinction had always been clear in their eyes. No one had ever damned her though. No one had ever said anything negative aloud to her. But she’d heard the whispers, saw the shaking heads and glances. “This isn’t just about Jacqui...” Yeah, she’d heard those comments.
She loved her big, encompassing family, appreciated the security and bond and unity it provided.
But there were times like now, when she wanted nothing more than to run away from them all. And where would she run to?
Her soft laugh was heavy with self-loathing. There was a set of big, welcoming arms who’d gladly swoop her in and keep her safe. And she was still too damn scared to let Henrik do that. At least completely.
How did that make her better than any of his ex-girlfriends? Someone good. If she was really that good, she’d let him go. Now. Before the cancer diagnosis came through.
Her stomach clenched, pain spearing through her gut in a taunting shot of forewarning. One that was becoming harder and harder to ignore.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Hey.” Henrik snuck up behind Jacqui, arm slipping around her as he dipped to kiss her temple. “Are you okay?” She’d been quiet since he’d come in from playing. But it’d been noisy and busy with everyone changing, showering and chowing down food.
“Yes.” She twisted to smile up at him, clutching his arm to her chest. “Just keeping out of the fray.”
He understood that. A glance around the downstairs area showed an array of hockey bags and gear, people and general chaos. This was by far the most people his house had ever had in it.
“I think everyone’s enjoying themselves.” They looked like they were anyway. A large group was gathered around the flat screen, watching a hockey game. More were playing pool, and others were still digging into the abundance of food. “Your family outdid themselves with the food.”
Her laugh vibrated against his chest. “It’s their way.”
“I like it.” He nuzzled into her hair, savoring the quiet closeness of her. It was comforting to have someone to stand on the side with him instead of being dragged into the middle.
Jacqui leaned into him, head tilting into his. Was this what it was supposed to be like? She apparently had no interest in meeting the others or at least in befriending them, not that she was being rude. That casual indifference she’d said she had about hockey in general was coming through here.
“You want in, Roller?” Shaffer called, motioning to the game of