organize my thoughts, lose the emotion and see the big picture.
It’s a fake marriage.
So why did this feel so damn real? Why did I feel like I was signing away my goddamn freedom, my happiness, and everything good for the rest of my life? I felt like there was a noose being tied around my neck, and the tighter it got, the more panic I felt.
I knew, on some level, my reaction was over the top. Why couldn’t I be rational about this situation?
Because you’ve seen what marriage can do to two people.
I didn’t want to think about my parents. My entire life had been about avoiding their fate. I had never met two people who made each other more miserable than my parents made each other. When I was a kid, every wish I made was that they would free themselves from the pain and suffering they caused each other. But they never divorced. They never even considered it. I had asked my mom once why she had never divorced my father. She looked at me with blue eyes that matched my own and said, “Because we married for life.”
It made no sense to me at the time, and it still didn’t. But I swore when I was a kid that I would never marry, and the older I got, the harder I held onto that promise to myself.
This marriage wasn’t even a guarantee that I could help my career. It was a long shot, and I was starting to believe it was an over-the-top move that would accomplish nothing. Krista believed Mark would change his mind about me. I failed to see how something as stupid as marriage would make that happen.
All I knew is that I didn’t want to get married.
Still breathing hard, and without taking off my runners, I walked into the kitchen. Charlie sat at the island, eating a bowl of yogurt.
“I can’t marry you,” I said, my breath heavy from exertion.
She blinked up at me, and for a second I thought I saw hurt. Then nothing. She put her spoon down. “Okay.”
Hands on my hips, I tried to calm my breath as I spoke. “Yazimoto is taken care of. He won’t hurt you or your brother. I’ll get you set up in an apartment. You can keep the clothes and the ring. I just can’t marry you.”
Her wide eyes clung to my face, but understanding and care infused her voice. “That’s fine, Mica.”
She said it was fine, so why did I feel like such a dick? “You okay?”
She looked conflicted by my question. “Yes.”
She didn’t speak, but her eyes held all her questions.
I worked to explain my change of heart. For some reason, it was important to let Charlie know that this wasn’t about her. It was about me. “Krista said this would be a fake marriage. Just a piece of paper. But that’s bullshit. This would be a real, legal marriage. Husband and wife. If we go down to city hall, that’s real. A judge will marry us. That is not pretend.”
I couldn’t even put in words how much aversion I felt towards marriage.
“I understand.”
I added for good measure, “This is me, not you.”
Her expression became thoughtful, even concerned. “What will happen with your career?”
“I don’t know.” I ran my hand through my wet hair. “I’m not even sure if this would’ve helped.”
On the island between us, my phone started to ring. I had zero intention of answering it, but her eyes dropped to the screen.
“It’s Mark Ashford.”
I swore under my breath.
She gave me a look that reminded me of Krista. “You should talk to him. Try to figure out your next move.”
I knew she was right. With reluctance, I reached forward and swiped the phone on, not caring that I put him on speakerphone.
“Petrov speaking.”
“Mica.” His voice boomed. “Am I catching you at a bad time?”
“No, sir.”
“Good. Good. I’ll keep this short because I know you have a big day ahead of you. Krista told me your news. I couldn’t be happier to hear that you’re marrying Charlie Watt.”
I looked at Charlie. She was sitting there, wide-eyed, staring at the granite in front of her.
I should tell him the truth. “Uh, thank you.”
“You know, I was worried we wouldn’t be able to extend your contract. I was having issues trying to overlook this recent event, Mica. It was too much.”
My heart dropped as he sealed my fate.
“But Krista has really gone to bat for you. She said that you’ve been so determined