Zoey jumps off my lap. “We can make them together! Just like a family!”
Addy inhales sharply and I go stock still. A family. “Sounds great,” I say, emotion clogging my throat. When did I become so sensitive and emotional? Is that why Chris seemed to change a little over the past few years? Softened as a result of becoming a father and loving it when she was happy and content?
The three of us, and Macaroni who’d come out to do his business and had been wandering around the backyard sniffing the grass then basking in the sun, go inside and get to work in the kitchen. Well, truthfully, Addy gets to work in the kitchen while I set Zoey on the counter and she and I share a banana. I lean against the counter next to her and use a knife to cut off bites.
One for her.
One for me.
Repeat, repeat, repeat until it’s all gone.
I refill my coffee and pour Zoey some milk and grab a couple containers of yogurt and a spoon. Zoey refuses to eat yogurt or pudding, hating the texture of it so I don’t even try to get her to eat anything. The last few nights her appetite does seem to be improving, but I’m not about to force more into her than she’s ready for.
“Mommy says you eat a lot,” Zoey says, giggling.
“I’m a growing boy.”
“Huh uh. You’re already big.”
I tickle her tummy and she wiggles around. “You trying to say something?”
She shakes her head, still giggling.
I tear the foil top off one of the yogurts and finish it in about five bites, Zoey’s eyes wide as she watches. “You eat fast.”
Addy laughs from her place at the stove. “He’s like a vacuum, sucking it in, right, Zoey?”
She wrinkles her nose like she’s disgusted with me, only making me laugh harder.
“Daddy ate super fast, too. He always said if he didn’t eat fast, you and Unca Max would eat his food so he had to learn to finish his meal fast.”
“Your daddy was right. We would have. You snooze you lose,” I joke.
Her eyes get huge. “He said the same fing! You snooze you lose!”
“We said it a lot when we were growing up.”
“You ate a lot, too,” she says, matter-of-factly. “Otherwise you’d be wittle like me. But you ate too much so you got big.” Her arms spread wide on either side of her, her stuffed donkey now sitting next to her on the counter.
“Is that what your daddy told you?”
She nods. “Uh huh! He said you would eat and eat and eat so if I wanted to get to be big like you I had to eat and eat and eat.”
“Then you’d better eat and eat and eat, huh?”
“I bet that’d make Daddy happy to see me eat lots.”
“It would. But not too much. He wouldn’t want you to get sick.”
A smile takes over her face that’s almost breathtaking. It’s sweet and innocent and so much like Chris that I don’t want the moment to end. Sometimes I look at her and all I see is a miniature version of Addy but there’s so much of Chris in her, too.
I look up to see Addy staring at Zoey with an odd expression on her face. She quickly clears it up before plating the sausage links and setting it on the table along with some croissants I’d picked up the day before at the grocery store.
Fuck, that was scary. I still can’t believe that happened just last night. Less than twelve hours ago I was afraid I was going to lose her then I was tasting her for the first time. No wonder I feel a little emotional today. A lot of shit has happened in a short amount of time.
I help Zoey down and she takes a seat at the table, saying a prayer quickly before diving in for a couple sausage links. While she’s busy, I pull Addy aside.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
I give her a look and she rolls her eyes. “Fine,” she huffs. “That’s the first time she’s mentioned Chris since he died without it being sad. She was sharing a memory. A happy one.”
“That’s a good thing,” I remind her.
She nods her agreement. “It is, but you need to know, it’s because of you.”
“Me? No, Addy, she’s just…”
“She’s not just anything, Beau. You’re helping her to heal. By being here and being present in her life and showing her that Chris might be