She leaves me wanting her, looking at me over her shoulder before she slides the patio door open to give Zoey her morning love. Hearing them first thing in the morning, having that to wake up to and start my day to is a gift that I hope I never take for granted. Together, they’re everything I need in life. Nothing else matters. Not owning the new to me but old farmhouse. Not being a partner in Grant’s business.
If someone told me I’d work at a gas station pumping gas for people for the rest of my life but I got to lay my head down at night next to Addy and wake up the same, I’d tell them to sign me up.
This feeling, it isn’t out of nowhere. It was a gradual love that built over time, and maybe that’s why it feels so intense and strong.
Through the open door, I hear Addy ask, “Want to tell Beau good morning?”
“Uh huh,” comes Zoey’s sleepy voice. She could not be any cuter. I’m so gone for both of them.
I quickly rearrange myself so I don’t scar my niece for life. I know she’ll want to sit on my lap and having a hard dick isn’t going to work in that situation.
Zoey shuffles outside, carrying her donkey with her hair similar to that of her mother’s. Wild, crazy, long.
Without asking, she climbs onto my lap and Addy and I grin at each other.
This, right here, is my perfect. And it might be moving fast, but the only thing that could make it more perfect would be to have my ring on Addy’s finger and eventually my baby growing in her stomach.
“What’s the plan for today, Squirt?” I ask, wondering if I can convince them both to come with me to see the new house.
“I want to go swimming. Daddy was teaching me before he went to heaven and I want to keep learning.”
Well, if that isn’t a punch to the gut.
“We took down Daddy’s pool, though, remember?”
“What about the big pool then? The one the other kids go to with the slides and jumping board.”
“Jumping board?” Addy asks, smiling. “You mean diving board?”
“I’m not going to dive from the board, Mommy,” she says in a tone that’s more like “duh, Mom, what do you think?”. “I’m gonna jump off it.”
“Oh, really?”
“Uh huh. Can we? I like that pool.”
“It is super fun. I bet we can do that. I’ll need to check in at the shop this morning, though.”
“And Beau, too?”
I can’t think of anything that sounds quite as awful as going to the public pool in town where all the moms (and dads, too, though for the most part the male species isn’t quite as astute when it comes to recognizing two people who are spending time together as more than just friends — and I can say that because I have a penis so I know) can gossip about why I’m there with my late brother’s daughter and her mom. Not that I’m not allowed to spend time with them in public, but I know tongues will be wagging in a different way. And I could give a shit less if everyone in the world knows that Addy’s mine and I’m hers, but I’m not sure if she’s there yet. Never mind the fact, that it will be almost impossible to keep my eyes or hands off Addy in a swimsuit. But still… “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Really?” she asks, huge smile on her face and if it wasn’t for the awful morning breath that’s coming out of her mouth, I’d be in heaven knowing that I put that smile there. How can someone as cute and little as Zoey wake up with breath that smells like she’s been eating skunk butt all night? And I know she brushed her teeth last night because I witnessed it.
“How about we eat breakfast and maybe brush our teeth first, though?”
Addy bursts out laughing and Zoey giggles, too, but I’m sure she has no idea why she’s doing it.
“So. Breakfast?”
“Breakfast,” I agree.
“Can you make sausage sticks, Mommy?”
I furrow my brow and look at Addy for clarification. “She means sausage links.”
“They’re sticks, Mommy.”
I love her argumentative spirit. Usually, anyway. But especially when she’s right in a cute way because she’s five years old and they have a whole different kind of language. “That they are, Squirt.” I look to Addy. “I’ll make them if you