would be putting it mildly. I’d been in love with Beau since before I knew what being in love with someone meant, even though I can’t regret the night I spent with Christopher because it gave us Zoey.
But at the time? I could hardly look at myself in the mirror.
I’d spent years pining over my best friend only to fall into the arms — and bed —of his brother. The morning after I spent the night with Christopher, I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I knew that I would never be able to keep it a secret from Beau because there simply were no secrets between us. That is, of course, aside from the fact that I was in love with him. That’s something I’ve kept to myself, though Christopher knew. After I turned down his proposal countless times, he eventually demanded a reason. He loved me. I loved him, too. Just not in the way a woman should love a man she intends to marry.
Just as I opened my mouth to lie, my phone lit up with Beau’s face. Apparently Chris was really good at reading faces. I begged him not to tell Beau and he promised me he wouldn’t. To my knowledge, he kept his promise.
After I finish up in the bathroom, I walk quietly to the kitchen, not wanting to wake up Beau along the way. He moved to the spare bedroom after Zoey fell asleep and as much as I wanted to protest, I knew it was better that way. Zoey was already quickly growing attached to having Beau around.
The tile floor is cold under my feet and I wish I would have taken the time to find my slippers. I flip on the light and almost jump out of my skin when I’m greeted with the gorgeous display in front of me. Beau’s bare back. He’s always been a large man. Broad shoulders, thick arms and thighs, sinewy back. Such a contrast to my small frame. Over a foot shorter than his 6’4”, I’ve always felt tiny in comparison.
He turns to face me when he hears me enter and the look on his face almost makes me crumble to dust right here in my kitchen.
“We’re burying my baby brother today,” he says quietly, eyes focused on me.
“Yes.”
He looks back out the kitchen window which he’s leaning a shoulder against. “When Chris was born, I wouldn’t leave him alone. My mom was busy enough with a toddler and a newborn but then to add to it, I wouldn’t let him out of my sight. I don’t remember, of course, but that’s the way they tell it. I told everyone that he was my best friend. When people would come over to see him, I’d hover over them, afraid they were going to take him away from me. At least, that’s what my parents figured. When we grew up, we had moments where we fought and yelled at each other. We’d have wrestling matches and I swear I think Mom thought we’d bloody each other up sometimes. But it never went that far. And damn anyone who thought they’d mess with one of us.”
I smile a ghost of a smile, remembering that very well. Beau has always been a man who would stand up for someone who’s been mistreated. That’s how he and I met, after all. Standing up to someone who tried to steal my snack when I was only four. But it wasn’t lost on anyone in our town that if you messed with one of the Aikin brothers, you messed with all three of them.
It’s then that it hits me. He’s afraid that he failed watching over his brother somehow.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Isn’t it? Was I too blinded by my own worries, my own life, that I missed something major with him? How long had he been having headaches?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask him what his worries are but now’s not the time. Right now he needs to break out of the funk he’s found himself in. The deep pit of despair that he’s fallen into, though completely understandable.
“He wasn’t.”
“What do you mean?” he murmurs, still looking out the window. The darkness of my backyard is highlighted by the full moon high in the sky above, shining down and creating a soft glow.
“He wasn’t having headaches. Not that he told anyone, anyway. What happened to him, it couldn’t have been prevented. You couldn’t have saved him.”