Max snatches her up next and after he’s finished with her, Amelia takes her hand.
“You want to do my makeup?” Amelia asks Zoey. Her reply is to squeal and take off running to the bathroom. Zoey loves playing with makeup and dress up and Amelia is always happy to be her real life Barbie.
The rest of the adults settle in around the table as Mom and Dad give me a rundown of what they know from the doctors as well as the funeral home. The entire time, Addy keeps her hand in mine.
Chapter Five
Addy
“That is not all it was, Addy. You’re pregnant! With my brother’s baby!”
I jolt awake, sitting straight up in bed. Pressing a hand to my chest, I try to calm my breathing and get my racing heart under control. A sheen of sweat coats my skin and I look around my bedroom, thankful to see Zoey sound asleep next to me. Completely unaware of the fact that her mother had yet another bad dream.
The same one I have a few times a year. This year I got lucky and had the dream a third time. Darkness seeps into the room along with the breeze blowing in the cool night air. I take a deep breath, allowing the fresh scent to relax me.
As quietly as possible, I slide out of the bed so as not to wake up Zoey and slip on my navy blue hoodie over my tank top, zipping it up halfway. I move to stand next to the window, wishing I could have gotten a few more hours of sleep before the hellish day that’s coming ahead. The day we bury my daughter’s daddy. My friend. My best friend’s brother.
Christopher.
I can’t believe this is happening. The last few days have felt like a nightmare that none of us could wake from. My daughter is devastated. Our family will never be the same.
Saying goodbye to Chris — officially, anyway — is going to suck. No other way to put it. Death of a loved one sucks. It seems unfair and like the pain is never going to go away. And it won’t. Not really. It might dull and fade over time but it will never be absent.
I wipe away a tear from my cheek and swallow the lump in my throat. My heart is broken for my daughter and myself and Beau and his parents and Max. Ugh.
While Zoey is awake, I’ve been trying so hard to be strong while at the same time showing her that it’s okay to feel the pain and be sad. But in the quiet of the night, when nothing but darkness surrounds me, I can’t keep it together.
I’m beyond exhausted. Owning a flower shop in a small town means that my business is always busy for funerals. But this time, I’ve had to step back and let my employees handle most of it. It doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to be the one to put together the casket spray and make sure that the plants and bouquets that were being sent to his parents were the best there could be. I hand-picked every single flower, whether it was necessary or not. It was a way for me to cope, I assume. Something to keep my mind occupied and off the fact that the unthinkable happened.
After the initial shock wore off that I was pregnant, I felt so fortunate. Growing up without a dad because he didn’t care enough to stick around, I always swore that I would never have a baby with someone I didn’t know and trust would be a good father. And Chris wasn’t just a good father. He was great. He was present for every single milestone, talked with Zoey every day, attended her T-ball games and practices. Some might say that he was a helicopter parent of sorts. But not me. I loved how much he wanted to be such a significant part of Zoey’s life. He was everything I had ever wanted for a dad for myself and I was grateful my daughter had that. And now…
Blowing out a shaky breath, I tie the string on my blue striped cotton night pants and turn away from the window. There’s no point in going back to bed, knowing I’ll only toss and turn, so I decide to go to the kitchen and make a cup of tea, making a quick stop in the bathroom first.