wall of memories, and come face-to-face with Addy.
“He loved you so much.”
I nod, wiping away another tear, and swallow down the emotion clogging my throat.
“I know. I loved him, too.”
She walks over and takes my cup out of my hand, setting it on the end table next to the couch then wraps her arms around me. Addy’s always been a physically affectionate person. That’s how she feels and shows love. We hug each other tightly, neither of us wanting to let go. I need the comfort having her in my arms is bringing me now more than ever before. Addy’s tiny in comparison to me but it always felt right to hold her.
“We’ll be okay, right?” she asks.
“Eventually, I hope.”
“It’s so unbelievable.”
“I talked to him about coaching Zoey’s team just a few days ago. It makes no sense to me that he’s gone.”
She angles her head to look up at me, keeping her eyes on mine. “Is that why you couldn’t go to your parents’ last night?”
“Part of it, yeah. As soon as I go there, it’ll be real. The point of no return, you know?”
“Yeah.”
“And I needed this,” I tell her, my arms flexing around her small frame.
“Yeah,” she repeats and rests her cheek on my chest and I hold her against me with my hand on the back of her head.
“Mommy?” Zoey’s sleepy voice interrupts us. She wedges herself between us. “I want hugs, too.”
I pull us all to the floor and Zoey climbs into my lap as Addy sits next to us. The three of us hold each other while sniffling through our sadness.
“I have to go potty,” Zoey announces, making us laugh. We stand up from our place on the floor and I can’t help but think how perfect it felt to have them both in my arms, which makes me feel like a giant dick for thinking of that during this time.
“Okay, baby. I’ll get some breakfast started for us while you do that then we’ll go to Papa and Nana’s house after we’re ready, okay?”
“Beau?” Zoey turns her sad little eyes up to me, pleading with me to tell her I’m not going anywhere. I get it, though. She needs to know the people she loves aren’t going to keep disappearing on her.
“I’ll wait here with you guys and we can go over together.”
“Kay.”
We watch her go and I lean over and kiss Addy on the temple after pulling her close. “She’ll be okay, Addy. She’s got all of us. My parents. My brother. Me. And so do you. I’m not going to lie… the hurt won’t ever go away completely and we’ll feel the sting of it for a while, but we’ll stand by you both and help her through it. I promise.”
She looks up at me through wet lashes. “I believe you.”
Damn if that doesn’t make me feel like I could conquer anything life throws at us even through the shit we’re dealing with.
I release Addy and we get to work on getting some breakfast. While Addy toasts some bagels, I cut up a few apples and smear peanut butter onto the slices. She pours a glass of milk for Zoey and we set everything on the table.
Zoey walks into the kitchen, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and carrying her stuffed donkey Chris gave her. She’s loved donkeys ever since my dad took her to the fair and everyone was looking at all the horses but no one was over by the donkeys. She felt bad for them and cried right there in the middle of the barn. She’s a gentle soul and it scares me to think about what the loss of her father, her hero, is going to do to her.
“Will you help me with the white stuff?” Zoey asks, handing me half a bagel and climbing onto my lap to eat.
I look up at Addy whose eyes are sad as she watches us. “Sure thing, Squirt.”
After putting cream cheese on her bagel, I give it back to her and she takes a big bite.
Normally Zoey doesn’t stop talking even while she’s eating but now she’s silent. I look at Addy across the table and the sadness I see in her eyes for her daughter is impossible to miss.
When Zoey announces she’s finished, I’m glad to see her plate is empty and that the loss of her father hasn’t diminished her appetite.
“Can we go see Papa and Nana now?” she asks, looking up at me.