I’m also fucking pissed,” I admit. Holy shit. My Addy. The girl who’s been mine for practically my entire life is pregnant with another man’s baby. With my little brother’s baby. I don’t know how to handle this. Now it’s my turn to pace.
“I called him because I needed someone to talk to and he came over. We started drinking and one thing led to another. That’s all it was.”
She used to call me when she needed to talk to someone. I want to demand to know why it wasn’t me she called this time. I want to demand to know when she began to lean on my brother first. I want to demand that she says this is all a big joke and she’s not pregnant with my brother’s baby. That she didn’t sleep with him. I think I’m going to be sick. “That is not all it was, Addy. You’re pregnant! With my brother’s baby!” Try as I might, I can’t stop myself from acting like a jerk. She’s terrified, that much I’m sure of, and I press a hand to my chest because it feels like my heart is going to explode. Why didn’t I know I was completely in love with her until this moment? Fuck me but I’m an idiot. And now I’m too late.
Christopher was eager to make them an official family. I never knew why that didn’t happen, especially since I know he bought her a ring and had planned to propose. Either he never did, or she turned him down. A sick part of me has always held out hope it was the latter because Addy held some feelings deeper than friendship for me. I’ve never had the nerve to ask either of them.
Despite how much I’ve wanted to, Addy and I have never crossed that friendship line. I respected Chris too much and I would never, ever want to confuse Zoey. Never mind the fact that I’ve never told her how I truly feel nor has she even hinted that what her mom once told me held any truth.
And now none of it matters. Because my brother, the man I’ve watched grow up and who I’ve loved every single day of his life, even when I was angry with him, is gone. The man I considered as much friend as family. In the blink of an eye, he’s gone and I’ll never get to hear his laughter or jokes again. Never get to hang out and play cards while having a beer. My niece’s father is gone. The man Addy raised her child with…
His smiling face greets me from the candid photos scattered throughout. Some where he’s looking at the camera and others where he’s smiling at his daughter. He was an amazing father. All in from the beginning, and it had nothing to do with his feelings for Addy. He loved his little girl from the second he knew she was brought into existence. Went to every doctors’ appointment and readied his house so she’d have a place to sleep when she was with him. Chris had a way about him that put people at ease, which is probably what made him a great vice principal for the high school.
I don’t know how to live a life without him. He was the glue in our family. The perfect middle kid who helped make sure everyone got along. I’m devastated that he is going to miss seeing his little girl grow up and I’m pissed that he’s gone. My eyes focus on one of the two of us I don’t remember ever being taken. I have my arm around his shoulders and I’m pulling him close, kissing the side of his head. His smile is wide and one of his hands is wrapped around my arm, holding me to him.
Our parents taught us from birth not to be afraid of showing our affection toward each other. My dad still kisses our cheeks and hugs us tightly, telling us he loves us. “It doesn’t mean you’re not a man to show and tell people what you’re feeling,” he’d always say. Words we’ve lived by and now more than ever I’m grateful he taught us that lesson. I never missed a chance to tell Chris I loved him or give him a hug, even while I was upset over him getting Addy pregnant.
Before I realize it, tears are once again sliding down my cheeks and I wipe them away, turn away from the