went over my head. But I think he basically meant, if I don’t try, I’ll never know.
Now it’s time to finally show her how deep my feelings for her go. She needs to know but even more, I have this innate desire to tell her. Surely if she knows I’m in love with her, she’d forget this idea of not being good enough for me, right?
I’ve never been shy about letting her know I think she’s beautiful. I’ve even asked her out on a date a few times. And even though I’ve told her I love her, I’ve never said I was in love with her. Hell, I didn’t even know for sure until about a second ago. Besides, if she knew, there’s no way she’d try so hard to keep me in the friend zone, right? At least, that’s what I’m telling myself because if she doesn’t return my feelings, I don’t know if I’ll recover. My heart is so invested in this woman. I’m confusing myself, my thoughts jumbling together.
She’s staring at me like she knows that something big is about to happen and it makes my skin tingle all the way from the top of my head down to the tips of my toes. Her chest is rising and falling and there’s a pink tinge to her cheeks. I’m shaking and so nervous I could throw up but I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t try. I lift a trembling hand to cup her cheek. She sucks in a breath and I lean over. I know she’ll feel like it’s coming out of nowhere but it’s not really. I’ve wanted to kiss her for years and I can’t wait another minute to feel her lips on mine. It’s been driving me insane and now my time is running out. If I don’t make my move, I’ll lose any chance I have. But still, it’s risky. I know that there’s a real chance she’ll reject me and if she knows my true feelings, that I’m in love with my best friend, it could end ugly and I could lose her entirely. The chance that it could end the way I want, though… it’s worth the risk.
“Reed?” Her voice is shaky, breath soft against my skin.
“Sadie. I know you don’t think…”
She shakes her head, my hand sliding against her cheek when she does. I watch her swallow hard and her eyes fill with tears. “It’s not what I think. It’s what I know.” She sees the road that separates the homes that have lakefront property and the ones that don’t as a divide. I’m sure there are some people, on both sides, who see it that way. But I don’t. Living on this side, especially for our “vacation” home, yes, it’s expensive, but had my grandfather not purchased this land when the prices were low, we’d never have a cabin here either. It wouldn’t be possible. If she really paid attention, she’d understand. But she has a clouded view, and always has.
I lick my lips and lean closer, resting my forehead against hers. I want to take the hurt away from her. The pain of feeling less than anything. Blood rushes to my head as I work up the courage to say the words that will change everything between us. “I love you,” I blurt out and she stills, her body going rigid. I guess I am in love with her because saying those words out loud, they feel right. Like something I’ve been holding in for too long and now that I’ve said them out loud, that’s all I want to say. “In love with you,” I explain further and lean back so I can look into her beautiful eyes. And then… I watch as a lone tear I never saw coming makes a trail down her cheek. I swipe it away with my thumb.
“Sadie? What’s wrong?”
“I…”
“Yeah?” I ask, leaning closer, just wanting her to admit it. Say the words, I will her. Please. Just tell me you love me back and we’ll figure out the rest later. I can’t leave without knowing she returns my feelings. I can’t. I need to know that I can come back home to her and give me something to work for in college. Building a life that she’ll be a part of.
My lips are so close to hers I can feel her breath brush against my lips and it’s making me dizzy. I’ve imagined kissing her so many times, dreamt of