of his skin, the shape of his lips, all whirled in and out of focus, morphing all the time. Everything changed except his eyes.
His violet eyes always stayed the same. They haunted her, hiding something terrible, something she didn't understand. Something she didn't want to understand.
Fear?
In the visions, the terror in Daniel's eyes was so intense Luce actually wanted to look away from their beauty. What could someone as powerful as Daniel fear?
There was only one thing: Luce's dying.
She was experiencing a montage of her death over and over and over again. This was what Daniel's eyes looked like, throughout time, just before her life went up in flames. She had seen this fear in him before. She hated it because it always meant their time was over. She saw it now in every one of his faces. The fear flashed from infinite times and places. Suddenly, she knew there was more:
He wasn't afraid for her, not because she was walking into the darkness of another death. He didn't fear that it might cause her pain.
Daniel was afraid of her.
Lu Xin! his voice cried out to her from the battlefield. She could see him through the haze of visions. He was the only thing coming in clearly--because everything else around her was lit up startlingly white. Everything inside her was, too. Was her love of Daniel burning her up? Was it her own passion, not his, that destroyed her every time?
No! His hand reached out for hers. But it was too late.
Her head hurt. She didn't want to open her eyes.
Bill was back, the floor was cool, and Luce was in a welcome pocket of darkness. A waterfall sprayed somewhere in the background, drizzling on her hot cheeks.
You did okay out there after all, he said.
Don't sound so disappointed, Luce said. How about explaining where you disappeared to? Can't. Bill sucked in his fat lips to show that they were sealed.
Why not?
Personal.
Is it Daniel? she asked. He'd be able to see you, wouldn't he? And there's some reason you don't want him to know that you're helping me.
Bill snorted. My business isn't always about you, Luce. I have other things stewing in the pot. Besides, you seem pretty independent of late. Maybe it's time to end our little arrangement, bust off your training wheels. What the hell do you need me for anymore?
Luce was too exhausted to pander to him, and too stunned by what she'd just seen. It's hopeless.
All the rage left Bill like air being let out of a balloon. How do you mean?
When I die, it's not because of anything that Daniel does. It's something that happens inside me. Maybe his love brings it out, but--it's my fault. That has to be part of the curse, only I have no idea what it means. All I know is, I saw a look in his eyes right before I died--it's always the same.
He tilted his head. So far.
I make him miserable more than I make him happy, she said. If he hasn't given up on me, he should. I can't do this to him anymore.
She dropped her head into her hands.
Luce? Bill sat on her knee. There was the strange tenderness he'd shown when she first met him. Do you want to put this endless charade to rest? For Daniel's sake?
Luce looked up and wiped her eyes. You mean, so he won't have to go through this again? There's something I can do?
When you assume one of your past self's bodies, there is one moment in each one of your lives, just before you die, where your soul and the two bodies--past and present--split apart. It only happens for a fraction of an instant.
Luce squinted. I think I've felt that. At the moment when I realize I'm going to die, right before I actually do?
Exactly. It has to do with how your lives cleave together. In that fraction of a moment, there is a way to cleave your cursed soul from your present body. Kind of like carving out your soul. It would, effectively, extinguish that pesky reincarnation element of your curse.
But I thought I was already at the end of my cycle of reincarnations, that I wasn't coming back anymore. Because of the baptism thing. Because I never--
That doesn't matter. You're still bound to see the cycle to its end. As soon as you go back to the present, you could still die at any moment because of--
My love of Daniel.
Sure, something like that, Bill said. Ahem.